KH [Awakenings] Fic: Memory's Skyscraper: August - Tape II
Title: Memory’s Skyscraper: August - Tape II (August 23, later/August 24, early)
Author:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
way2dawn
Characters/Pairing: Roxas/Riku, Riku->Sora, past Axel/Roxas
Rating: M/NSFW
Summary: “Evidence of the various fights and encounters between Number XIII and the intruder Riku in the area around Memory’s Skyscraper, continuously taped, from first contact to the departure for Twilight Town.” – archivist’s notes.
A/N: Many thanks to my beta,myth. Prequel to the Awakenings (crossover) Verse. Can be read as a standalone, but it is recommended you read Said the Spider to the Fly first [or if it's not your cup of tea, at least be aware that it exists]. Part two in a series of three.
read Tape I
Memory’s Skyscraper: August
Tape II (August 23, later/August 24, early)
Riku pulls the heavy door open, and then shuts it, swift as he can, to keep the Heartless out of the skyscraper. He’d been fighting Roxas again, and the blond had been winning, but a large group of Heartless had suddenly interfered. Sensing both Riku’s heart and Roxas’s Keyblades, the creatures had pursued the two of them relentlessly, backing them up toward the steps of the towering building. Roxas had slipped inside the skyscraper, leaving Riku with the Heartless and the task of figuring out what to do to get away from them.
Now that Riku’s within the building as well, with the Heartless safely shut outside, he looks around the inside of the skyscraper’s ground floor for Roxas. The interior, with its haphazardly-placed fluorescent lighting on a high ceiling and gunmetal-colored six-foot walls that create the illusion of a maze of giant office cubicles, seems just as desolate and unused as the rest of the city. Hearing the sound of someone trying to catch their breath from the other side of a cubicle to his right, Riku cautiously walks around the wall to see who it is.
Roxas, leaning back against the far wall with his arms dangling empty at his sides and his gaze to the ceiling, snaps his eyes back down to Riku when he hears his footfalls. When he sees that Riku’s dismissed his weapon, he seems to relax, though, and doesn’t object when Riku starts to walk towards him. There’s an unspoken sort of agreement between them, something that tells them both that whatever happens indoors is separated from what happens outside, on the street.
Honestly, though, Roxas doesn’t even really react much at all, other than with his eyes. He’s wary, but it’s not the sort of wary alertness the blond has when fighting. It’s a wariness born more of words like Sora, liar, and pathetic. And Riku doesn’t really have a good reason for why he’s approaching Roxas like this, even after the Nobody made his opinion of Riku quite clear, but he just can’t seem to put the blond boy back into whatever mental box he started out in – not after what happened in the supermarket – even if he wanted to.
Maybe it really is some sort of masochism, then, because it’s not like Roxas is suddenly going to get a heart all by himself, not without Sora’s help. And there’s a part of Riku that wonders if Sora will even want anything to do with him after he wakes up, when Riku just continues to let himself be used up for no good reason at all – (no, with a smile) shut up, you don’t get to see this – but he’s still here and Roxas is still here, so if this is still going to happen, then Riku might as well try and take charge of the situation.
The blond Nobody is silent even after Riku’s walked up to him, the two of them now only a foot or so apart. He only looks up because Riku’s physically taller, and while he makes no motion to move the hand that Riku’s placed against the wall behind him, the arm blocking off any movement to one side, he silently raises a single eyebrow in response. Well, that just makes it even more obvious what Roxas thinks of him, but if Roxas isn’t going to shove him away again, then Riku’s not going to give up.
Slowly – partly because he’s trying to avoid any sudden movements that will cause Roxas to raise his guard again – Riku ducks his head down to steal a slow, careful kiss, but while Roxas is mostly unmoving, he just barely moves enough in response for Riku to try and feel comfortable enough with continuing. Still, it’s only just enough that the blond doesn’t appear dead; his responses are so underwhelming that they just make Riku more unsure than if the blond had outright rejected him again. There’s something… missing in Roxas’s response, and it’s nothing like the usual things that he’d expect Roxas to be missing. Has Roxas just decided to put up with him until the next time they fight? What’s he thinking right now?
Riku breaks the kiss off reluctantly, mouth thinner than he’d like it to be and trying not to show his confusion and frustration. And Roxas doesn’t protest when Riku touches his hair lightly, or when he takes a glove off and slowly moves his hand down to Roxas’s neck, but his gaze is focused on something that Riku can’t see, something Roxas is thinking of that’s not here, not now. Something that’s not Riku, that’s taking Roxas away from here.
“Your hands are cold,” Roxas says, almost a little disappointed. Riku wonders for a moment what Roxas is thinking of, but the answer soon becomes clear. It isn’t that hard to put two and two together.
“What, are you used to something different?” Riku asks, smiling like the criticism doesn’t sting him at all. He leans down, and his mouth is now only an inch or so from the shell of Roxas’s ear. The blond shivers almost imperceptibly. “You know someone with warmer hands? You want me to be more like someone else, who’s got a little more internal heat? Someone like-”
“You leave him out of this!” Roxas bites out the words roughly, pushing Riku back and then clenching his fists tightly. His wrist twitches, like he’s trying to keep himself from summoning one of his Keyblades.
“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Riku asks, hearing the snap in his own voice. He thought he’d gotten better at the whole jealousy thing; he probably hadn’t, considering that he couldn’t really remember why he’d been jealous the first time. Deliberately calming himself down, he continues. “You won’t care about yelling at me for saying a name you don’t like, but you’re just as bad, aren’t you?” Roxas looks at him cautiously. Riku begins to walk forward slowly, and although Roxas is still tense, he doesn’t seem like he’s going to attack.
“You’d fight me until we both collapse,” Riku lets his voice go back down to a normal volume, now that he’s not so far away anymore. “You’d try and pretend that what you do when we’re here like this doesn’t mean anything, won’t mean anything to you later.” Roxas isn’t arguing yet, at this point, but he looks like he wants to. “And you’d try and pretend that you don’t feel guilty about it,” and now he’s standing right in front of Roxas, “but you’ll still want it,” want me, Riku thinks, “just as bad, so you’ll still give in.” Roxas looks like he’s about to deny it, but Riku knows that isn’t going to happen.
“Roxas,” he says, simply, and the violence is gone. A moment before, Roxas looked like he maybe wanted to fight him again, but now… Roxas is looking at him now like Riku’s real. With such an abrupt change in demeanor, Riku wonders how badly Roxas wants to be real, or if he thinks that Riku saying his name will make him more real. And when Riku cradles Roxas’s face with his hand, Roxas leans into the touch, eyelids at half-mast.
“Roxas,” he repeats in a whisper, and this time, Roxas leans forward and clutches at the front of Riku’s coat when Riku leans down to press his lips against Roxas’s. Riku tries to go as slowly as he can, wants to stretch it out and make it last forever. He wants so badly to have a happily-ever-after romance he knows he doesn’t deserve, knows he probably isn’t even capable of. He knows that he and Roxas won’t have a happy ending, that whatever they think they’re doing is destined to end in tragedy, but he wants to pretend that it’s possible.
Unhurriedly, Riku continues his previously-interrupted efforts at removing Roxas’s coat and doing everything he can to keep Roxas thinking that Riku is real, that it’s possible for Roxas to become real too, if he just stays with Riku. And this time, the blond doesn’t protest at all, isn’t violent or dismissive, isn’t anything besides yearning and wanting and yes, I don’t feel so lost and wrong right now either, let’s have a happy ending for a while, please, please.
The minutes seem to drift by as if they’re in a dream, even as they slowly end up sprawled on the floor, one coat spread underneath them and another off to the side. But even as the kisses slowly become more insistent and the pile of all-black clothes to the side gets larger, it doesn’t feel rushed at all. Roxas lets some of those muffled sounds out of his mouth, and his body practically sings in the places Riku’s touching it. And Roxas mutters something about a Potion, so Riku has a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen next. Reaching for the bottle, Riku wonders if this time maybe he could do it, so then it could be the other way around from last time, which sounds really promising. It can’t be that difficult, he’s sure, and all he has to do is –
“You’re doing it wrong,” Roxas says, irritated.
“…What?” Riku falters, and that image of Roxas looking at him just a few minutes before, like he was someone important, is gone, and Riku is unsure and hesitant all over again.
“You’re doing it the wrong way,” the blond repeats, slowly, like he just thinks Riku isdumb now.
“Isn’t this what you were doing?” Riku asks, trying to sound confident, wondering just how obvious it is that he does not, in fact, really know what he’s doing.
“It hurts if you don’t do it right,” Roxas explains, looking as if he’s almost at the end of his patience. And to Riku, for some reason, that seems like a strange thing to say.
“…I thought it always hurt,” Riku mumbles, avoiding Roxas’s gaze. And isn’t that what happens when you make yourself that vulnerable, when you open yourself that much, like- no. He’s not going to think about that right now. It wasn’t like that – it wasn’t, that was different – and he doesn’t want to start to let himself think that it was. He wants to keep that as far away from Roxas as possible. Roxas, who is now staring at him like he’s grown an extra head. The blond seems slightly uncomfortable.
“Well… not everyone is a masochist like you, Riku,” Roxas says, after a short pause, seeming to have recovered himself. He removes Riku’s finger from inside him with one of his hands. “Give me the Potion; I’ll do it. Just… pay attention.”
Roxas takes the bottle from his hands, and even if Riku wanted to look away at this point, he doesn’t think he could. Watching Roxas move his finger in and out of himself, one of his toes brushing up unconsciously against Riku’s thigh, it’s something that makes Riku’s breath catch in his throat a little. And when Roxas’s own breath starts to hitch, Riku watches his eyes flutter and his lip catch between his teeth momentarily. When Roxas’s eyelids flutter back open, he looks halfway between annoyed and amused.
“Watch my fingers, Riku; I’m not going to demonstrate this again,” Roxas says, mouth in a little frown but cheeks heated and pink. Still, Riku listens and brings his gaze back to Roxas’s fingers and their movements.
Riku might’ve thought that it was over with too quickly, but by the time Roxas’s fingers have finished with their assigned task, both of them are more than ready for what’s going to happen next. Roxas takes his fingers out, dips them into the Potion bottle again, and reaches to coat Riku with the contents – it’s not something Riku had been expecting him to do, so there’s a tiny, surprised edge to his moan – with breathing that’s already starting to become labored. And Roxas moves him to where he’s supposed to go, guides him gently in, and it’s so indescribable that Roxasis his only thought in those moments.
The pupils in Roxas’s eyes are so huge right now, staring like he’s trying to see through the thin strip of black fabric on Riku’s face again. One of his hands is still partially between his legs, and the other’s wrapping around the back of Riku’s neck to pull him closer; his empty chest heaves in time with Riku’s own, flawed one when their lips meet again in a deliberate, deep kiss.
And it really is different from this side of things, what’s happening now, or maybe it’s also partly because it’s not quite as violent as the last time. That’s not to say that Roxas is pulling any of his metaphorical punches – because with the way he’s rolling his hips, that’s really not the issue here – but he’s letting Riku keep things more purposeful, less agitated, for the time being. Riku watches the way Roxas pulls him closer when he whispers the blond’s name into his ear again, the way he looks at Riku like he’s gotten real again.
Slowly – or just as slow as everything else is at this point since, really, Riku is only human – he catches one of Roxas’s hands in his own and, before the blond really has time to think about what Riku’s doing, brings it close to rest against his chest. Even though it’s selfish and stubborn and childish, he still wants to pretend there could be some sort of happy ending. Roxas doesn’t seem ready to admit he wants that kind of thing too, but Riku can tell, somehow, that he does. Riku wonders how much of what’s under his hand Roxas can feel, if he knows what any of it actually means. He wants Roxas to know what it feels like, even if he can’t put a name to what it is, and if Roxas can’t use the heart he’s supposed to share with Sora yet, then Riku will just have to try and show Roxas what it’s like through his own.
“But I- that’s not,” there’s a gasp for breath, “possible, why would you-” Roxas cuts himself off, eyes wide and almost bewildered-looking. Then, quieter and a thousand times more anxious, “I don’t understand.” But he sounds like he wants to understand, which only makes Riku’s pulse beat faster. And even though Riku doesn’t understand most of it, himself, Roxas needs to know that whatever’s happened between them, whatever’s happening right now, isn’t random, isn’t as meaningless as Roxas might want to think. It’s something Riku can’t really put into words, something with language and shapes and colors that dance out of his reach whenever he tries to pin it down.
Roxas looks almost delicate as his eyes search Riku’s face, his eyebrows draw together, and his mouth parts just slightly. He looks like he’s going to shatter into a thousand pieces if Riku doesn’t do something, so Riku keeps his hand where it is, but leans forward and slowly dips his tongue into Roxas’s mouth. He watches as Roxas’s eyes close, feels Roxas’s other hand push down on his back as Riku finally lets his hips start moving with a purpose again.
But Roxas is more desperate now, and Riku feels a little desperate, too, so it’s not really all that long until Riku’s idea of slow has been forgotten and they’re something more frantic than delicate. And Roxas starts to make these needy little sounds into Riku’s mouth, wordless noises jumbled around their tongues and spilling out from reddened lips when Riku moves his mouth to suck at Roxas’s earlobe. And Roxas’s fingernails are scratching lines on his back that make Riku hiss and Roxas make another half-gasped comment about how he’s still a masochist, but Riku doesn’t really mind that so much anymore. And then Roxas makes another noise with his lips parted inches from Riku’s own, clutching and yearning again, so Riku pushes their mouths together as Roxas tumbles into a quiver, Riku himself following just a few moments later.
After a bit, Riku notices that he’s still holding onto Roxas’s hand, so he finally – and a bit reluctantly – lets go of it. Roxas lets it linger there for a moment, then brings it down to remove Riku from inside of him and try and haphazardly clean himself off a little with… well, Riku’s got his boots, so he figures he didn’t really need his other sock, anyway. And Riku lies down next to where Roxas is and thinks that maybe this can last for a little longer if he just keeps praying for it to happen, but it’s unfortunately not long at all before that thought is interrupted.
Roxas starts to turn like he wants to move away, to just get up and leave again, so Riku wraps his arms around Roxas’s waist when the blond rolls to the side, effectively spooning him. There’s the selfish want for a fairytale ending again, or at least something that feels a little less impersonal, but that’s more wishful thinking than anything else. Mostly, Riku just doesn’t want to feel like he’s been used and then abandoned again.
“Just for a little while?” he whispers into Roxas’s ear. “At least until I fall asleep?” Roxas doesn’t say anything, just sighs quietly and relaxes into Riku’s arms. He smells like the City, and like boy-sweat, but underneath it, Roxas smells like the ocean, somehow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When he wakes up the next morning, Roxas is gone, but half of Riku’s coat has been draped over his body, the scent of the other boy lingering on the leather like an idea half-formed and just out of reach. There’s an insulated silence throughout the building, so it must’ve stopped raining sometime last night. Fingering the edge of the coat absently, Riku takes another slow breath and allows himself a small, private smile; strangely, he doesn’t feel upset at all.
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Tape III
Author:
way2dawnCharacters/Pairing: Roxas/Riku, Riku->Sora, past Axel/Roxas
Rating: M/NSFW
Summary: “Evidence of the various fights and encounters between Number XIII and the intruder Riku in the area around Memory’s Skyscraper, continuously taped, from first contact to the departure for Twilight Town.” – archivist’s notes.
A/N: Many thanks to my beta,
myth. Prequel to the Awakenings (crossover) Verse. Can be read as a standalone, but it is recommended you read Said the Spider to the Fly first [or if it's not your cup of tea, at least be aware that it exists]. Part two in a series of three.read Tape I
Memory’s Skyscraper: August
Tape II (August 23, later/August 24, early)
Riku pulls the heavy door open, and then shuts it, swift as he can, to keep the Heartless out of the skyscraper. He’d been fighting Roxas again, and the blond had been winning, but a large group of Heartless had suddenly interfered. Sensing both Riku’s heart and Roxas’s Keyblades, the creatures had pursued the two of them relentlessly, backing them up toward the steps of the towering building. Roxas had slipped inside the skyscraper, leaving Riku with the Heartless and the task of figuring out what to do to get away from them.
Now that Riku’s within the building as well, with the Heartless safely shut outside, he looks around the inside of the skyscraper’s ground floor for Roxas. The interior, with its haphazardly-placed fluorescent lighting on a high ceiling and gunmetal-colored six-foot walls that create the illusion of a maze of giant office cubicles, seems just as desolate and unused as the rest of the city. Hearing the sound of someone trying to catch their breath from the other side of a cubicle to his right, Riku cautiously walks around the wall to see who it is.
Roxas, leaning back against the far wall with his arms dangling empty at his sides and his gaze to the ceiling, snaps his eyes back down to Riku when he hears his footfalls. When he sees that Riku’s dismissed his weapon, he seems to relax, though, and doesn’t object when Riku starts to walk towards him. There’s an unspoken sort of agreement between them, something that tells them both that whatever happens indoors is separated from what happens outside, on the street.
Honestly, though, Roxas doesn’t even really react much at all, other than with his eyes. He’s wary, but it’s not the sort of wary alertness the blond has when fighting. It’s a wariness born more of words like Sora, liar, and pathetic. And Riku doesn’t really have a good reason for why he’s approaching Roxas like this, even after the Nobody made his opinion of Riku quite clear, but he just can’t seem to put the blond boy back into whatever mental box he started out in – not after what happened in the supermarket – even if he wanted to.
Maybe it really is some sort of masochism, then, because it’s not like Roxas is suddenly going to get a heart all by himself, not without Sora’s help. And there’s a part of Riku that wonders if Sora will even want anything to do with him after he wakes up, when Riku just continues to let himself be used up for no good reason at all – (no, with a smile) shut up, you don’t get to see this – but he’s still here and Roxas is still here, so if this is still going to happen, then Riku might as well try and take charge of the situation.
The blond Nobody is silent even after Riku’s walked up to him, the two of them now only a foot or so apart. He only looks up because Riku’s physically taller, and while he makes no motion to move the hand that Riku’s placed against the wall behind him, the arm blocking off any movement to one side, he silently raises a single eyebrow in response. Well, that just makes it even more obvious what Roxas thinks of him, but if Roxas isn’t going to shove him away again, then Riku’s not going to give up.
Slowly – partly because he’s trying to avoid any sudden movements that will cause Roxas to raise his guard again – Riku ducks his head down to steal a slow, careful kiss, but while Roxas is mostly unmoving, he just barely moves enough in response for Riku to try and feel comfortable enough with continuing. Still, it’s only just enough that the blond doesn’t appear dead; his responses are so underwhelming that they just make Riku more unsure than if the blond had outright rejected him again. There’s something… missing in Roxas’s response, and it’s nothing like the usual things that he’d expect Roxas to be missing. Has Roxas just decided to put up with him until the next time they fight? What’s he thinking right now?
Riku breaks the kiss off reluctantly, mouth thinner than he’d like it to be and trying not to show his confusion and frustration. And Roxas doesn’t protest when Riku touches his hair lightly, or when he takes a glove off and slowly moves his hand down to Roxas’s neck, but his gaze is focused on something that Riku can’t see, something Roxas is thinking of that’s not here, not now. Something that’s not Riku, that’s taking Roxas away from here.
“Your hands are cold,” Roxas says, almost a little disappointed. Riku wonders for a moment what Roxas is thinking of, but the answer soon becomes clear. It isn’t that hard to put two and two together.
“What, are you used to something different?” Riku asks, smiling like the criticism doesn’t sting him at all. He leans down, and his mouth is now only an inch or so from the shell of Roxas’s ear. The blond shivers almost imperceptibly. “You know someone with warmer hands? You want me to be more like someone else, who’s got a little more internal heat? Someone like-”
“You leave him out of this!” Roxas bites out the words roughly, pushing Riku back and then clenching his fists tightly. His wrist twitches, like he’s trying to keep himself from summoning one of his Keyblades.
“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” Riku asks, hearing the snap in his own voice. He thought he’d gotten better at the whole jealousy thing; he probably hadn’t, considering that he couldn’t really remember why he’d been jealous the first time. Deliberately calming himself down, he continues. “You won’t care about yelling at me for saying a name you don’t like, but you’re just as bad, aren’t you?” Roxas looks at him cautiously. Riku begins to walk forward slowly, and although Roxas is still tense, he doesn’t seem like he’s going to attack.
“You’d fight me until we both collapse,” Riku lets his voice go back down to a normal volume, now that he’s not so far away anymore. “You’d try and pretend that what you do when we’re here like this doesn’t mean anything, won’t mean anything to you later.” Roxas isn’t arguing yet, at this point, but he looks like he wants to. “And you’d try and pretend that you don’t feel guilty about it,” and now he’s standing right in front of Roxas, “but you’ll still want it,” want me, Riku thinks, “just as bad, so you’ll still give in.” Roxas looks like he’s about to deny it, but Riku knows that isn’t going to happen.
“Roxas,” he says, simply, and the violence is gone. A moment before, Roxas looked like he maybe wanted to fight him again, but now… Roxas is looking at him now like Riku’s real. With such an abrupt change in demeanor, Riku wonders how badly Roxas wants to be real, or if he thinks that Riku saying his name will make him more real. And when Riku cradles Roxas’s face with his hand, Roxas leans into the touch, eyelids at half-mast.
“Roxas,” he repeats in a whisper, and this time, Roxas leans forward and clutches at the front of Riku’s coat when Riku leans down to press his lips against Roxas’s. Riku tries to go as slowly as he can, wants to stretch it out and make it last forever. He wants so badly to have a happily-ever-after romance he knows he doesn’t deserve, knows he probably isn’t even capable of. He knows that he and Roxas won’t have a happy ending, that whatever they think they’re doing is destined to end in tragedy, but he wants to pretend that it’s possible.
Unhurriedly, Riku continues his previously-interrupted efforts at removing Roxas’s coat and doing everything he can to keep Roxas thinking that Riku is real, that it’s possible for Roxas to become real too, if he just stays with Riku. And this time, the blond doesn’t protest at all, isn’t violent or dismissive, isn’t anything besides yearning and wanting and yes, I don’t feel so lost and wrong right now either, let’s have a happy ending for a while, please, please.
The minutes seem to drift by as if they’re in a dream, even as they slowly end up sprawled on the floor, one coat spread underneath them and another off to the side. But even as the kisses slowly become more insistent and the pile of all-black clothes to the side gets larger, it doesn’t feel rushed at all. Roxas lets some of those muffled sounds out of his mouth, and his body practically sings in the places Riku’s touching it. And Roxas mutters something about a Potion, so Riku has a pretty good idea of what’s going to happen next. Reaching for the bottle, Riku wonders if this time maybe he could do it, so then it could be the other way around from last time, which sounds really promising. It can’t be that difficult, he’s sure, and all he has to do is –
“You’re doing it wrong,” Roxas says, irritated.
“…What?” Riku falters, and that image of Roxas looking at him just a few minutes before, like he was someone important, is gone, and Riku is unsure and hesitant all over again.
“You’re doing it the wrong way,” the blond repeats, slowly, like he just thinks Riku isdumb now.
“Isn’t this what you were doing?” Riku asks, trying to sound confident, wondering just how obvious it is that he does not, in fact, really know what he’s doing.
“It hurts if you don’t do it right,” Roxas explains, looking as if he’s almost at the end of his patience. And to Riku, for some reason, that seems like a strange thing to say.
“…I thought it always hurt,” Riku mumbles, avoiding Roxas’s gaze. And isn’t that what happens when you make yourself that vulnerable, when you open yourself that much, like- no. He’s not going to think about that right now. It wasn’t like that – it wasn’t, that was different – and he doesn’t want to start to let himself think that it was. He wants to keep that as far away from Roxas as possible. Roxas, who is now staring at him like he’s grown an extra head. The blond seems slightly uncomfortable.
“Well… not everyone is a masochist like you, Riku,” Roxas says, after a short pause, seeming to have recovered himself. He removes Riku’s finger from inside him with one of his hands. “Give me the Potion; I’ll do it. Just… pay attention.”
Roxas takes the bottle from his hands, and even if Riku wanted to look away at this point, he doesn’t think he could. Watching Roxas move his finger in and out of himself, one of his toes brushing up unconsciously against Riku’s thigh, it’s something that makes Riku’s breath catch in his throat a little. And when Roxas’s own breath starts to hitch, Riku watches his eyes flutter and his lip catch between his teeth momentarily. When Roxas’s eyelids flutter back open, he looks halfway between annoyed and amused.
“Watch my fingers, Riku; I’m not going to demonstrate this again,” Roxas says, mouth in a little frown but cheeks heated and pink. Still, Riku listens and brings his gaze back to Roxas’s fingers and their movements.
Riku might’ve thought that it was over with too quickly, but by the time Roxas’s fingers have finished with their assigned task, both of them are more than ready for what’s going to happen next. Roxas takes his fingers out, dips them into the Potion bottle again, and reaches to coat Riku with the contents – it’s not something Riku had been expecting him to do, so there’s a tiny, surprised edge to his moan – with breathing that’s already starting to become labored. And Roxas moves him to where he’s supposed to go, guides him gently in, and it’s so indescribable that Roxasis his only thought in those moments.
The pupils in Roxas’s eyes are so huge right now, staring like he’s trying to see through the thin strip of black fabric on Riku’s face again. One of his hands is still partially between his legs, and the other’s wrapping around the back of Riku’s neck to pull him closer; his empty chest heaves in time with Riku’s own, flawed one when their lips meet again in a deliberate, deep kiss.
And it really is different from this side of things, what’s happening now, or maybe it’s also partly because it’s not quite as violent as the last time. That’s not to say that Roxas is pulling any of his metaphorical punches – because with the way he’s rolling his hips, that’s really not the issue here – but he’s letting Riku keep things more purposeful, less agitated, for the time being. Riku watches the way Roxas pulls him closer when he whispers the blond’s name into his ear again, the way he looks at Riku like he’s gotten real again.
Slowly – or just as slow as everything else is at this point since, really, Riku is only human – he catches one of Roxas’s hands in his own and, before the blond really has time to think about what Riku’s doing, brings it close to rest against his chest. Even though it’s selfish and stubborn and childish, he still wants to pretend there could be some sort of happy ending. Roxas doesn’t seem ready to admit he wants that kind of thing too, but Riku can tell, somehow, that he does. Riku wonders how much of what’s under his hand Roxas can feel, if he knows what any of it actually means. He wants Roxas to know what it feels like, even if he can’t put a name to what it is, and if Roxas can’t use the heart he’s supposed to share with Sora yet, then Riku will just have to try and show Roxas what it’s like through his own.
“But I- that’s not,” there’s a gasp for breath, “possible, why would you-” Roxas cuts himself off, eyes wide and almost bewildered-looking. Then, quieter and a thousand times more anxious, “I don’t understand.” But he sounds like he wants to understand, which only makes Riku’s pulse beat faster. And even though Riku doesn’t understand most of it, himself, Roxas needs to know that whatever’s happened between them, whatever’s happening right now, isn’t random, isn’t as meaningless as Roxas might want to think. It’s something Riku can’t really put into words, something with language and shapes and colors that dance out of his reach whenever he tries to pin it down.
Roxas looks almost delicate as his eyes search Riku’s face, his eyebrows draw together, and his mouth parts just slightly. He looks like he’s going to shatter into a thousand pieces if Riku doesn’t do something, so Riku keeps his hand where it is, but leans forward and slowly dips his tongue into Roxas’s mouth. He watches as Roxas’s eyes close, feels Roxas’s other hand push down on his back as Riku finally lets his hips start moving with a purpose again.
But Roxas is more desperate now, and Riku feels a little desperate, too, so it’s not really all that long until Riku’s idea of slow has been forgotten and they’re something more frantic than delicate. And Roxas starts to make these needy little sounds into Riku’s mouth, wordless noises jumbled around their tongues and spilling out from reddened lips when Riku moves his mouth to suck at Roxas’s earlobe. And Roxas’s fingernails are scratching lines on his back that make Riku hiss and Roxas make another half-gasped comment about how he’s still a masochist, but Riku doesn’t really mind that so much anymore. And then Roxas makes another noise with his lips parted inches from Riku’s own, clutching and yearning again, so Riku pushes their mouths together as Roxas tumbles into a quiver, Riku himself following just a few moments later.
After a bit, Riku notices that he’s still holding onto Roxas’s hand, so he finally – and a bit reluctantly – lets go of it. Roxas lets it linger there for a moment, then brings it down to remove Riku from inside of him and try and haphazardly clean himself off a little with… well, Riku’s got his boots, so he figures he didn’t really need his other sock, anyway. And Riku lies down next to where Roxas is and thinks that maybe this can last for a little longer if he just keeps praying for it to happen, but it’s unfortunately not long at all before that thought is interrupted.
Roxas starts to turn like he wants to move away, to just get up and leave again, so Riku wraps his arms around Roxas’s waist when the blond rolls to the side, effectively spooning him. There’s the selfish want for a fairytale ending again, or at least something that feels a little less impersonal, but that’s more wishful thinking than anything else. Mostly, Riku just doesn’t want to feel like he’s been used and then abandoned again.
“Just for a little while?” he whispers into Roxas’s ear. “At least until I fall asleep?” Roxas doesn’t say anything, just sighs quietly and relaxes into Riku’s arms. He smells like the City, and like boy-sweat, but underneath it, Roxas smells like the ocean, somehow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
When he wakes up the next morning, Roxas is gone, but half of Riku’s coat has been draped over his body, the scent of the other boy lingering on the leather like an idea half-formed and just out of reach. There’s an insulated silence throughout the building, so it must’ve stopped raining sometime last night. Fingering the edge of the coat absently, Riku takes another slow breath and allows himself a small, private smile; strangely, he doesn’t feel upset at all.
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Tape III