KH [Awakenings] Fic: Dream
Title: Dream
Author:![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
way2dawn
Characters/Pairing: Sora/Riku/Roxas, in various combinations.
Rating: M/NSFW for sexual situations.
Summary: Sora tries some new things, not all of which are successful, but most of which manage to end alright, anyway. Riku and Roxas just spend most of their energy trying to keep up.
A/N: Many thanks to my lovely beta,myth. Part of the Awakenings verse. Takes place after Riku, Home and Flowers and Chocolate.
Dream
“Sora, are you sure you know how to do this?” Not that he doesn’t trust Sora, but enthusiasm and good intentions aren’t going to ease the uncomfortable sensations of teeth or gagging.
"Roxas taught me," Sora says, grinning.
"...R-really," Riku replies, slouching against the tree just that little bit more. Is it getting warmer out here, or is it just him?
And how did they get like this, again? Oh, right. Sora decided that the best time and place to give Riku his very first blowjob ever would be in the middle of the play island, the only things separating the two of them from everyone else on the beach being about fifty yards of trees and vegetation. Well, the two of them and Roxas, he supposes. He wonders if Roxas is actually paying attention to what they’re doing right now.
…Right, it’s definitely warmer.
"Yeah, so don't worry." Sora reaches to undo the tie on Riku's swimming trunks, and he looks so sure of himself, like he knows exactly what he's going to do with Riku, that it's... okay, let’s be honest here, it's kind of a turn-on. And the fact that he mentioned Roxas teaching him this kind of thing is also hot, but with a slightly dangerous edge to it, like he's not sure if he likes the idea of Roxas doing this with Sora or Roxas doing this with him better. Or maybe even Roxas and Sora at the same time, four calloused hands and two identical pink mouths working in perfect synchronicity, the way their hair sticks to their faces and the flushing of their cheeks when they’re gasping for breath; that’s an idea he’d never admit out loud, but has thought about more than once before, usually when he’s by himself. But Riku's always had the tendency to find danger a bit exciting, even when he probably shouldn't, so it's not really a surprise when the state of his trunks reveals that wow, okay, looks like Sora won't have to do too much work, after all.
And yeah, Sora’s never done this to Riku before, but he’s got good instincts and can read the expressions on Riku’s face like an open book, so everything is still pretty damn amazing. Sora doesn’t bat an eye when Riku tangles his hands in his hair, just holds Riku’s hips down when they start to buck, and there’s another thing Riku finds hotter than he probably should. And Sora just keeps moving like that, and Riku is soclose right now that he-
“S-Sora, I’m-” Because Riku really should warn him, and he tugs on Sora’s hair a bit more insistently, hoping that the brunet will get the message despite his semi-incoherent words. But for some incredible, wonderfully stupid, Sora reason, he lets it fall mostly out of his mouth, just his bottom lip dragging up to the tip and oh – didn’t Roxas tell him what to do? - this is going to end badly.
“Riku, wha-” But before Riku can warn him that removing his mouth is actually a very bad idea, he’s already gone, and somewhat distantly hears Sora squeak out a sharp, surprised noise. And when he regains his faculties, Sora hasn’t moved yet.
"...O-oh god, Sora, I'm so sorry." Sora pulls his head back slowly, and just blinks for a few moments, before looking up at Riku through his lashes.
"That stuff tastes terrible, Riku," he says, not commenting on the fact that the 'stuff'’ is also all over his face, and Riku feels like a terrible person – well, not that terrible, he’s actually feeling pretty great right now, thanks, but he probably should – because his only real coherent thought is that is really hot.
"Let me make it up to you." Riku has an idea. "Like, right now."
"Wha- Riku! Ri-mmph!”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riku's in Sora's room, they're making out on Sora's bed, and it's actually before midnight for once because they told their parents they wanted to have a sleepover, just like old times. Not that Riku wouldn't end up sneaking into Sora's room in the middle of the night anyway, but things like the guilt buried under Riku's nightmares and the silent worry buried under Sora's murmured reassurances aren’t really talked about in the light of day, especially not to parents. And not that they spent time doing things like making out before they left the Islands, but just like old times is just like old times, and it's reassuring to Riku that some things really don't change.
There’s some movie on the television for background noise, partly because Sora’s always been bad at keeping quiet, but they stopped watching that a long time ago, once they were sure that Sora’s mom was back downstairs. Now, Riku’s sitting with his back to the wall against Sora’s bed, the one with the window he usually climbs through at two or three in the morning. Sora’s sitting in Riku’s lap with his tongue in Riku’s mouth, and the hand slowly sneaking up under Riku’s shirt is promising some pretty good things for their little “sleepover”, so the two of them don’t even register the steps moving from downstairs to right outside Sora’s room, nor do they hear the owner of those steps stop right in front of the door.
“Sora?” There’s a knock on the door, and they both freeze for a second before swiftly moving so that they’re sitting side-by-side, appearing to watch the movie. Sora places the mostly-empty bowl of popcorn strategically in his lap. Riku feels thankful that his jeans are baggy and just hopes his hair isn’t messed up too badly.
“Yeah, Mom?” Sora’s mom opens the door. This is so awkward, but Riku doesn’t think she’s noticed anything peculiar. Hopefully, there’s not a yet in there.
“I bought some ice cream when I was at the grocery store this afternoon,” she says, smiling, “and I thought it’d make a good after dinner snack, if you boys were interested.” Sora’s expression perks up from trying to be casual instead of embarrassed to genuinely enthusiastic.
“That’s a great idea!” he replies, grinning. “Right, Riku?”
“Uh, yeah,” Riku agrees, a little more relaxed, now that the possibility of awkward questions seems to have passed. Sora’s mom sweeps her gaze around the room once.
“You’re not even going to at least set up the sleeping bag?” she asks.
Or not. Said sleeping bag is still rolled up and out of the way, along with the extra pillow, both of which Sora’s mom brought in earlier that evening so that Riku wouldn’t “have to be squished on the bed”.
“…We’ll be downstairs in a minute, Mom,” Sora replies, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Alright,” she sighs in response, then walks back downstairs herself. Riku, as he tries to look everywhere except Sora, wonders silently if he and Sora have finally gone past plausible deniability and if this means that Sora’s mom is going to kick him out for corrupting her son. Sora responds to this by carefully placing the popcorn bowl on the floor, then tackling Riku on the bed so that he’s laying on top of him.
Riku looks up at Sora. Sora grins again.
“You’re thinking too much,” Sora says, and then proceeds to stick his tongue back in Riku’s mouth. After about a minute or so in which Riku doesn’t have a single coherent thought at all, Sora detaches himself and sits back up, tugging on Riku’s hand. “Let’s go have some ice cream.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It turns out that Sora’s mom bought some cones as well as a tub of choco-vanilla-raspberry ice cream, so they take the ice cream scooper and get to work. Sora declares Riku in charge of scooping, but after inspecting and jokingly critiquing Riku’s technique to make sure that he’s getting an equal amount of all three flavors, Sora just gets quiet once Riku’s actually done with making the cone for him. Riku hands Sora his cone, but the brunet is slow in taking it from him, something in his eyes when he looks at it that Riku doesn’t usually see a lot of.
Even after Riku finishes putting the ice cream and extra cones away, Sora still hasn’t really started eating his in earnest yet. He takes deliberate, almost ponderous licks, tongue catching the drops that threaten to fall onto the outside of the cone and his fingers. Riku just watches Sora eat, for a little while, not really paying attention to his own cone that much, other than the fact that it’s being eaten; he just follows the little movements of Sora’s tongue and the way it swirls around and scoops up little bits of the frozen treat. It’s only when Sora looks up and catches Riku watching him that they both become a little embarrassed.
“That… heh,” Sora blushes a bit. “Next time’ll be better, Riku.” And Riku didn’t miss the distant, nostalgic expression that crossed Sora’s face when he was looking at the ice cream before, but he lets Sora distract him with the possibility of a slightly more successful attempt at the brunet trying to expand his repertoire of talents, for now.
When they’re done with dessert and back in Sora’s room, they talk and joke quietly about little meaningless things. As they wait for Sora’s mom to fall asleep, Sora gradually moves so that he’s sitting closer and closer to Riku, until after about fifteen minutes, he’s practically sitting in Riku’s lap again, playing with his hair and the hem of his shirt.
“Hey, Riku?” It’s quiet, and Sora’s looking more at Riku’s shoulder than at his face.
“Hmm?” Sora just pulls a little closer to him. Riku adjusts and holds him a little more firmly, of course, but it’s not really like Sora to be this kind of quiet. “What is it?”
“I-” Sora pauses, then starts again. “I mean, Roxas, but-” he gives a little huff, “it’s just… confusing, I guess.” He shifts a bit, then looks at Riku. “You get what I’m saying, though, right?”
“It’s something about Roxas?” Riku guesses; so that whole staring-at-the-ice-cream thing was more than just his imagination. He wonders how blurry that line between them gets sometimes, but it’s not like he’d ask about it out loud. Sora nods, moving the hand that was playing with Riku’s hair to rest against the side of Riku’s neck.
“He says he’s happy he can be with me here,” Sora starts, “but he doesn’t really get to be out a lot or talk to very many people.” His hand drops from Riku’s neck to his thigh, eyes following the slow path down, and Riku feels a little stab of guilt for the near-lack of interaction he has with Roxas. “Sometimes,” and this is even quieter than before, more than necessary to keep Sora’s mom from waking up, “I think he gets lonely.”
“Sora…” Riku says it slowly, to give the brunet time to look back up, and only continues once Sora’s done so. “He wants to be with you, right?” Sora bites his lip, but nods. “But it’s different from before, so maybe he’s just getting used to it still.”
“Do you think so?” Sora asks, blinking once or twice with a serious expression.
“…Yeah.” If you spent a long enough time without something, actually getting it was… strange in a way, wasn’t it? “If you just keep being supportive, he’ll finish settling in just fine.” Sora gives him a little smile, then kisses him.
“If you say so.” Everything seems to go fine after that statement - and Riku thinks that the topic's been dropped quite a bit ago by the time Sora's breathing picks up like that - but then Sora breaks the kiss off with a slight frown.
"Sora? What is it?" Maybe Sora isn’t as reassured as he previously appeared, after all.
"It's..." And now Sora seems embarrassed, and Riku's not really sure why. "He just gets like this sometimes, when I'm with you." Roxas does? ...What does that mean?
"Gets like what?" Riku's almost reluctant to ask, but it's not like he can ignore the topic, now. When we're just hanging out... or when we're close, and Sora's cheeks are flushed, but Riku's not sure if it's from the embarrassment or because of what they've been doing, like this? He's not exactly sure, either, which option he prefers Sora to mean.
"I think it's because he still misses Axel." So... yes to all of that, then, probably. It's not like Axel's coming back anytime soon, though, so that's not something that Riku can fix for them. If Roxas ever showed a hint of something other than dislike toward him, Riku'd-
But that's not something Roxas is going to do, stupid, he thinks to himself. Stop fooling yourself into wishful thinking. Those kinds of things aren’t going to get him anywhere good.
"Oh," is what Riku actually says, though it’s quiet and a little subdued. "I... don't really know what to say." He gently rubs on Sora's back, mostly because he doesn't really know what else he can do right now. "I wish I did," he adds, because it's always been sort of painful to watch Sora when he's upset, especially if Riku can't make things better. That last part, too, is even quieter than the first because he hadn't really meant to say it out loud.
"...Riku." Sora seems a bit surprised now, and just blinks a few times. Then, he shifts and sits a bit back, looking a little more seriously at Riku. "D'you really mean that?"
"Of course I do." Riku can't really stop himself from frowning slightly, but he tries to keep it as small a frown as possible. When has he not meant it? Or maybe Sora believes him, but Roxas doesn't; not much he can do about that, though. But Sora smiles, so maybe it's not so bad.
"Okay." And then the brunet goes back to kissing him again, slowly and near-silently tugs shirts off, keeps touching Riku like there hadn’t been any interruptions at all. Riku tries to go along with it - does this mean that things have gone back to being relatively alright? - and yet, almost inevitably at this point, Sora stops, pulling away again. Riku feels his own pessimism give him a nice, firm pat on the back.
"Then, Riku..." but Sora stops himself again, fidgeting until he's just sitting, facing Riku instead of partly in his lap, like before. All this back-and-forthing is really starting to get confusing; Riku doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing because Sora seems to keep changing his mind about things.
"Sora, are you alright?" The brunet looks away for a moment. "What is it? Is there anything I can do?" Sora looks back at him; feeling slightly encouraged, Riku presses on. "What do you want me to do?" This makes Sora tilt his head to the side slightly.
"Riku, you..." And Sora's looking at him like Riku's kind of a hopeless case – which is completely true, by the way, and Riku has always realized this - but he's smiling and seems to be reaching a conclusion, finally, so Riku doesn’t feel as embarrassed as he normally would about such a thing. "It'll work, then?" Riku doesn't really know what Sora's stalling for, or what he's talking about, for that matter, but it's not like Riku isn't going to do whatever Sora wants him to do.
Then, Sora blinks once. Half a second later, Roxas is staring at Riku, looking just as shocked as Riku feels right now.
…What, like Kairi and Naminé? Riku’s not sure how he has the presence of mind to keep that thought to himself, but Sora isn’t Kairi and Roxas isn’t Naminé, and this isn’t going to be the same thing. And Riku doesn’t know what Roxas has told Sora about their past interactions, but there’s history between them. Complicated,painful history, and Riku doesn’t think that Roxas is going to be as easily forgiving as Sora.
Roxas himself seems to agree with Riku, and the look on his face is not the look of someone who is inviting Riku to touch him the same way he touches Sora when they’re both half-undressed. Still, because Riku can admit that he’s always been especially idiotic when it comes to dealing with Roxas, it’s not like he doesn’t want to try, anyway.
“Roxas,” Riku begins slowly, leaning just the slightest, most cautious bit forward, “do you-?” Roxas flushes, and roughly pushes him back against the wall. In the moment where they just stare at each other and most of Riku is stung and speechless, a very tiny, slightly bitter part of him is completely unsurprised.
“You think I want your pity?” Roxas hisses, breaking the silence, eyes narrowed and breathing harsh, partly from what Riku was doing earlier with Sora and partly because he looks like he’s trying to keep himself from shouting. “Do you think you’re doing me a favor by thinking that letting me borrow whatever parts of Sora’s life he thinks I’m allowed to have is suddenly going to make me feel better about the parts of my life that are gone?”
“…No,” Riku replies, very quietly. Do you think my feelings for you have changed at all? is what he doesn’t say. Because they haven’t. All he seems capable of doing right now is to just keep looking back at Roxas, who is glaring at him quite furiously, and once again feeling somewhat stupid for expecting things between Roxas and himself to magically work themselves out.
“I guess you just think, then, that if Sora thinks you’re so great, that I’m going to do the exact same thing,” the blond says.
“You idiot,” Riku says, fists curling in the blanket of Sora’s bed, and suddenly having to restrain himself from shouting as well.
“I don’t have anything else to say to you,” Roxas responds flatly, then disappears back inside of Sora. Sora takes one look at Riku, then ducks his head.
“Riku, I’m sorry,” he starts, “it was a bad idea and-” It’s frustrating, to Riku, thatSora feels the need to apologize for what Roxas said.
“No, hey, it’s okay,” Riku says, fists uncurling and a hand tentatively – and Riku doesn’t know why he’s hesitant around Sora now, too – reaching out towards Sora’s. The brunet immediately takes it, then scoots close and rests his forehead against Riku’s chest. “It’s… I kind of agreed to it too, so…”
“Not really,” Sora argues softly, “it’s not like I told you about it beforehand.” He seems intent on making this whole fiasco out to be his fault, even though Riku knows that it’s more likely his and Roxas’s faults. “Roxas doesn’t even want to talk to me now,” he adds, a little despondently.
“He just needs some time to cool down,” Riku murmurs, trying to sound reassuring. “Just give him a little while, and then you two can patch things up again.” He pulls Sora a little closer and nuzzles at the top of his head, causing the brunet to relax a little more. “Besides, I think he’s madder at me than he is at you.”
“I don’t get why,” Sora replies, sounding a little like he’s trying not to pout. He really doesn’t know much about the history between Riku and Roxas, then, does he? The problem with that conclusion is that Riku still can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet, but worrying about that is the last thing he needs to be doing right now, when Sora’s still upset about Roxas.
“Hey, Sora,” Riku says; Sora looks up, blinking, and Riku kisses him lightly. “Let’s go to bed, okay?”
“Alright,” Sora smiles, and snuggles extra close to him under the covers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riku wakes up again to the sounds of Sora shifting in the bed. He starts to frown when the other boy is revealed to have spiky hair that’s blond instead of brown and a look in his eyes that is, even after he's got his heart and is back with Sora, the look of someone who's still just that little bit wary of what Riku's reaction will be, keeping his expression shut off just enough so that Riku can see the emotions but doesn’t really know what he’s thinking. But it's late at night, and so Riku's reminded more of furtive touches in dark, empty buildings than thrown sticks in the red glow of the sunset.
"This is a dream," Roxas says, hushed. "You're dreaming right now." And his eyes are big and pleading for him to understand, and they're so, so blue, even this late, but Riku isn't really sure what he's supposed to do.
"Okay," he softly agrees, because Sora's mom is still in the house and waking her up would lead to a lot of complications he’d rather not deal with right now. But Riku doesn't really have time to try and figure out what's going on or worry about who might hear what because Roxas is suddenly kissing him, fierce and with just a tiny bit of that silent plea still.
And Riku can't really help but respond because despite the fact that yes, Roxas is Sora is Roxas, and because he really does want Roxas - and Sora, though he’s still not sure exactly how much that line is blurred - to stop feeling so sad over Axel, he has also continued to want Roxas ever since they met in the Dark City. That despite the fact that Riku is very much in love with Sora and has been ever since he can remember, he can't help but desperately wish sometimes that the possibility of being with Roxas is something that could be more than just a dream.
Roxas rolls on top of him, just like that, and his mouth is warm and wet, his tongue, his hips moving against Riku's like they were born to do nothing else but that. And Roxas is wearing the exact same pajama bottoms Sora was wearing when he went to bed, but the blond seems more concerned about removing pajamas than giving Riku the time to ponder such things. As someone swallows a moan, Riku wonders how they're going to keep Sora's mom from waking up – really, because Roxas is almost as bad as Sora about being quiet sometimes – but the part of him that’s worried about getting caught isn’t as big as the part of him that wants to hang onto this for as long as he can. He has no idea if this’ll ever happen again, so maybe there really isn’t the time to dwell on meaningless things.
He’s not really sure how far Roxas wants to take this, but the blond just moves his hips again, slides as hand between them, and that’s just fine with Riku. Roxas doesn’t say anything coherent, just tumbles little meaningless half-words into Riku’s mouth every once in a while, biting at his lips, but Riku doesn’t really mind. Even if Roxas isn’t always thinking of him, though Riku can’t really tell if that’s the case right now or not, it doesn’t matter as much as making it so Roxas isn’t as upset anymore. The thought of that stings less than it might seem, but since Riku made a conscious decision to let go of things like jealousy, he’s never had as much dignity about these sorts of things as he probably should. Especially like this, with Roxas so close, almost clinging to him, breath humid – and Riku arches up into the hand between them with the softest of non-protests – teeth catching again on lips and his other hand gripping onto Riku’s shoulder as he shudders surprisingly quietly.
After, Roxas slowly loosens his hand, nips one last time at Riku’s bottom lip, and lets his head rest against Riku’s collarbone. He lets out a quiet little sigh, just a small puff of air, really, and he still seems a bit sad about it all, so Riku keeps holding him close. At first, Roxas seems like he’s going to object to this – Riku really hopes he doesn’t, though it wouldn’t be entirely unexpected if he did – but instead of moving away entirely, he just shifts a little so that he’s laying on his side, but still flush against him and holding on. Riku turns to face him, reaches over Roxas’s shoulders for some tissue to make things a little less sticky, then wraps his arm around the blond once more. Again, Roxas seems unsure at first, but with another sigh, something just barely audible, he slowly relaxes into the embrace. Riku hums once, just as quietly – because he can understand that sometimes words just get in the way – and keeps him close like that.
When Roxas’s breathing evens out, Riku looks down to see if he’s still awake. But the sleeping boy in Riku’s arms is a brunet again, and he’s wearing a soft, contented smile, so maybe everything’s still confusing, but there’s a chance it might eventually be alright, after all.
Author:
way2dawnCharacters/Pairing: Sora/Riku/Roxas, in various combinations.
Rating: M/NSFW for sexual situations.
Summary: Sora tries some new things, not all of which are successful, but most of which manage to end alright, anyway. Riku and Roxas just spend most of their energy trying to keep up.
A/N: Many thanks to my lovely beta,
myth. Part of the Awakenings verse. Takes place after Riku, Home and Flowers and Chocolate.Dream
“Sora, are you sure you know how to do this?” Not that he doesn’t trust Sora, but enthusiasm and good intentions aren’t going to ease the uncomfortable sensations of teeth or gagging.
"Roxas taught me," Sora says, grinning.
"...R-really," Riku replies, slouching against the tree just that little bit more. Is it getting warmer out here, or is it just him?
And how did they get like this, again? Oh, right. Sora decided that the best time and place to give Riku his very first blowjob ever would be in the middle of the play island, the only things separating the two of them from everyone else on the beach being about fifty yards of trees and vegetation. Well, the two of them and Roxas, he supposes. He wonders if Roxas is actually paying attention to what they’re doing right now.
…Right, it’s definitely warmer.
"Yeah, so don't worry." Sora reaches to undo the tie on Riku's swimming trunks, and he looks so sure of himself, like he knows exactly what he's going to do with Riku, that it's... okay, let’s be honest here, it's kind of a turn-on. And the fact that he mentioned Roxas teaching him this kind of thing is also hot, but with a slightly dangerous edge to it, like he's not sure if he likes the idea of Roxas doing this with Sora or Roxas doing this with him better. Or maybe even Roxas and Sora at the same time, four calloused hands and two identical pink mouths working in perfect synchronicity, the way their hair sticks to their faces and the flushing of their cheeks when they’re gasping for breath; that’s an idea he’d never admit out loud, but has thought about more than once before, usually when he’s by himself. But Riku's always had the tendency to find danger a bit exciting, even when he probably shouldn't, so it's not really a surprise when the state of his trunks reveals that wow, okay, looks like Sora won't have to do too much work, after all.
And yeah, Sora’s never done this to Riku before, but he’s got good instincts and can read the expressions on Riku’s face like an open book, so everything is still pretty damn amazing. Sora doesn’t bat an eye when Riku tangles his hands in his hair, just holds Riku’s hips down when they start to buck, and there’s another thing Riku finds hotter than he probably should. And Sora just keeps moving like that, and Riku is soclose right now that he-
“S-Sora, I’m-” Because Riku really should warn him, and he tugs on Sora’s hair a bit more insistently, hoping that the brunet will get the message despite his semi-incoherent words. But for some incredible, wonderfully stupid, Sora reason, he lets it fall mostly out of his mouth, just his bottom lip dragging up to the tip and oh – didn’t Roxas tell him what to do? - this is going to end badly.
“Riku, wha-” But before Riku can warn him that removing his mouth is actually a very bad idea, he’s already gone, and somewhat distantly hears Sora squeak out a sharp, surprised noise. And when he regains his faculties, Sora hasn’t moved yet.
"...O-oh god, Sora, I'm so sorry." Sora pulls his head back slowly, and just blinks for a few moments, before looking up at Riku through his lashes.
"That stuff tastes terrible, Riku," he says, not commenting on the fact that the 'stuff'’ is also all over his face, and Riku feels like a terrible person – well, not that terrible, he’s actually feeling pretty great right now, thanks, but he probably should – because his only real coherent thought is that is really hot.
"Let me make it up to you." Riku has an idea. "Like, right now."
"Wha- Riku! Ri-mmph!”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riku's in Sora's room, they're making out on Sora's bed, and it's actually before midnight for once because they told their parents they wanted to have a sleepover, just like old times. Not that Riku wouldn't end up sneaking into Sora's room in the middle of the night anyway, but things like the guilt buried under Riku's nightmares and the silent worry buried under Sora's murmured reassurances aren’t really talked about in the light of day, especially not to parents. And not that they spent time doing things like making out before they left the Islands, but just like old times is just like old times, and it's reassuring to Riku that some things really don't change.
There’s some movie on the television for background noise, partly because Sora’s always been bad at keeping quiet, but they stopped watching that a long time ago, once they were sure that Sora’s mom was back downstairs. Now, Riku’s sitting with his back to the wall against Sora’s bed, the one with the window he usually climbs through at two or three in the morning. Sora’s sitting in Riku’s lap with his tongue in Riku’s mouth, and the hand slowly sneaking up under Riku’s shirt is promising some pretty good things for their little “sleepover”, so the two of them don’t even register the steps moving from downstairs to right outside Sora’s room, nor do they hear the owner of those steps stop right in front of the door.
“Sora?” There’s a knock on the door, and they both freeze for a second before swiftly moving so that they’re sitting side-by-side, appearing to watch the movie. Sora places the mostly-empty bowl of popcorn strategically in his lap. Riku feels thankful that his jeans are baggy and just hopes his hair isn’t messed up too badly.
“Yeah, Mom?” Sora’s mom opens the door. This is so awkward, but Riku doesn’t think she’s noticed anything peculiar. Hopefully, there’s not a yet in there.
“I bought some ice cream when I was at the grocery store this afternoon,” she says, smiling, “and I thought it’d make a good after dinner snack, if you boys were interested.” Sora’s expression perks up from trying to be casual instead of embarrassed to genuinely enthusiastic.
“That’s a great idea!” he replies, grinning. “Right, Riku?”
“Uh, yeah,” Riku agrees, a little more relaxed, now that the possibility of awkward questions seems to have passed. Sora’s mom sweeps her gaze around the room once.
“You’re not even going to at least set up the sleeping bag?” she asks.
Or not. Said sleeping bag is still rolled up and out of the way, along with the extra pillow, both of which Sora’s mom brought in earlier that evening so that Riku wouldn’t “have to be squished on the bed”.
“…We’ll be downstairs in a minute, Mom,” Sora replies, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Alright,” she sighs in response, then walks back downstairs herself. Riku, as he tries to look everywhere except Sora, wonders silently if he and Sora have finally gone past plausible deniability and if this means that Sora’s mom is going to kick him out for corrupting her son. Sora responds to this by carefully placing the popcorn bowl on the floor, then tackling Riku on the bed so that he’s laying on top of him.
Riku looks up at Sora. Sora grins again.
“You’re thinking too much,” Sora says, and then proceeds to stick his tongue back in Riku’s mouth. After about a minute or so in which Riku doesn’t have a single coherent thought at all, Sora detaches himself and sits back up, tugging on Riku’s hand. “Let’s go have some ice cream.”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It turns out that Sora’s mom bought some cones as well as a tub of choco-vanilla-raspberry ice cream, so they take the ice cream scooper and get to work. Sora declares Riku in charge of scooping, but after inspecting and jokingly critiquing Riku’s technique to make sure that he’s getting an equal amount of all three flavors, Sora just gets quiet once Riku’s actually done with making the cone for him. Riku hands Sora his cone, but the brunet is slow in taking it from him, something in his eyes when he looks at it that Riku doesn’t usually see a lot of.
Even after Riku finishes putting the ice cream and extra cones away, Sora still hasn’t really started eating his in earnest yet. He takes deliberate, almost ponderous licks, tongue catching the drops that threaten to fall onto the outside of the cone and his fingers. Riku just watches Sora eat, for a little while, not really paying attention to his own cone that much, other than the fact that it’s being eaten; he just follows the little movements of Sora’s tongue and the way it swirls around and scoops up little bits of the frozen treat. It’s only when Sora looks up and catches Riku watching him that they both become a little embarrassed.
“That… heh,” Sora blushes a bit. “Next time’ll be better, Riku.” And Riku didn’t miss the distant, nostalgic expression that crossed Sora’s face when he was looking at the ice cream before, but he lets Sora distract him with the possibility of a slightly more successful attempt at the brunet trying to expand his repertoire of talents, for now.
When they’re done with dessert and back in Sora’s room, they talk and joke quietly about little meaningless things. As they wait for Sora’s mom to fall asleep, Sora gradually moves so that he’s sitting closer and closer to Riku, until after about fifteen minutes, he’s practically sitting in Riku’s lap again, playing with his hair and the hem of his shirt.
“Hey, Riku?” It’s quiet, and Sora’s looking more at Riku’s shoulder than at his face.
“Hmm?” Sora just pulls a little closer to him. Riku adjusts and holds him a little more firmly, of course, but it’s not really like Sora to be this kind of quiet. “What is it?”
“I-” Sora pauses, then starts again. “I mean, Roxas, but-” he gives a little huff, “it’s just… confusing, I guess.” He shifts a bit, then looks at Riku. “You get what I’m saying, though, right?”
“It’s something about Roxas?” Riku guesses; so that whole staring-at-the-ice-cream thing was more than just his imagination. He wonders how blurry that line between them gets sometimes, but it’s not like he’d ask about it out loud. Sora nods, moving the hand that was playing with Riku’s hair to rest against the side of Riku’s neck.
“He says he’s happy he can be with me here,” Sora starts, “but he doesn’t really get to be out a lot or talk to very many people.” His hand drops from Riku’s neck to his thigh, eyes following the slow path down, and Riku feels a little stab of guilt for the near-lack of interaction he has with Roxas. “Sometimes,” and this is even quieter than before, more than necessary to keep Sora’s mom from waking up, “I think he gets lonely.”
“Sora…” Riku says it slowly, to give the brunet time to look back up, and only continues once Sora’s done so. “He wants to be with you, right?” Sora bites his lip, but nods. “But it’s different from before, so maybe he’s just getting used to it still.”
“Do you think so?” Sora asks, blinking once or twice with a serious expression.
“…Yeah.” If you spent a long enough time without something, actually getting it was… strange in a way, wasn’t it? “If you just keep being supportive, he’ll finish settling in just fine.” Sora gives him a little smile, then kisses him.
“If you say so.” Everything seems to go fine after that statement - and Riku thinks that the topic's been dropped quite a bit ago by the time Sora's breathing picks up like that - but then Sora breaks the kiss off with a slight frown.
"Sora? What is it?" Maybe Sora isn’t as reassured as he previously appeared, after all.
"It's..." And now Sora seems embarrassed, and Riku's not really sure why. "He just gets like this sometimes, when I'm with you." Roxas does? ...What does that mean?
"Gets like what?" Riku's almost reluctant to ask, but it's not like he can ignore the topic, now. When we're just hanging out... or when we're close, and Sora's cheeks are flushed, but Riku's not sure if it's from the embarrassment or because of what they've been doing, like this? He's not exactly sure, either, which option he prefers Sora to mean.
"I think it's because he still misses Axel." So... yes to all of that, then, probably. It's not like Axel's coming back anytime soon, though, so that's not something that Riku can fix for them. If Roxas ever showed a hint of something other than dislike toward him, Riku'd-
But that's not something Roxas is going to do, stupid, he thinks to himself. Stop fooling yourself into wishful thinking. Those kinds of things aren’t going to get him anywhere good.
"Oh," is what Riku actually says, though it’s quiet and a little subdued. "I... don't really know what to say." He gently rubs on Sora's back, mostly because he doesn't really know what else he can do right now. "I wish I did," he adds, because it's always been sort of painful to watch Sora when he's upset, especially if Riku can't make things better. That last part, too, is even quieter than the first because he hadn't really meant to say it out loud.
"...Riku." Sora seems a bit surprised now, and just blinks a few times. Then, he shifts and sits a bit back, looking a little more seriously at Riku. "D'you really mean that?"
"Of course I do." Riku can't really stop himself from frowning slightly, but he tries to keep it as small a frown as possible. When has he not meant it? Or maybe Sora believes him, but Roxas doesn't; not much he can do about that, though. But Sora smiles, so maybe it's not so bad.
"Okay." And then the brunet goes back to kissing him again, slowly and near-silently tugs shirts off, keeps touching Riku like there hadn’t been any interruptions at all. Riku tries to go along with it - does this mean that things have gone back to being relatively alright? - and yet, almost inevitably at this point, Sora stops, pulling away again. Riku feels his own pessimism give him a nice, firm pat on the back.
"Then, Riku..." but Sora stops himself again, fidgeting until he's just sitting, facing Riku instead of partly in his lap, like before. All this back-and-forthing is really starting to get confusing; Riku doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing because Sora seems to keep changing his mind about things.
"Sora, are you alright?" The brunet looks away for a moment. "What is it? Is there anything I can do?" Sora looks back at him; feeling slightly encouraged, Riku presses on. "What do you want me to do?" This makes Sora tilt his head to the side slightly.
"Riku, you..." And Sora's looking at him like Riku's kind of a hopeless case – which is completely true, by the way, and Riku has always realized this - but he's smiling and seems to be reaching a conclusion, finally, so Riku doesn’t feel as embarrassed as he normally would about such a thing. "It'll work, then?" Riku doesn't really know what Sora's stalling for, or what he's talking about, for that matter, but it's not like Riku isn't going to do whatever Sora wants him to do.
Then, Sora blinks once. Half a second later, Roxas is staring at Riku, looking just as shocked as Riku feels right now.
…What, like Kairi and Naminé? Riku’s not sure how he has the presence of mind to keep that thought to himself, but Sora isn’t Kairi and Roxas isn’t Naminé, and this isn’t going to be the same thing. And Riku doesn’t know what Roxas has told Sora about their past interactions, but there’s history between them. Complicated,painful history, and Riku doesn’t think that Roxas is going to be as easily forgiving as Sora.
Roxas himself seems to agree with Riku, and the look on his face is not the look of someone who is inviting Riku to touch him the same way he touches Sora when they’re both half-undressed. Still, because Riku can admit that he’s always been especially idiotic when it comes to dealing with Roxas, it’s not like he doesn’t want to try, anyway.
“Roxas,” Riku begins slowly, leaning just the slightest, most cautious bit forward, “do you-?” Roxas flushes, and roughly pushes him back against the wall. In the moment where they just stare at each other and most of Riku is stung and speechless, a very tiny, slightly bitter part of him is completely unsurprised.
“You think I want your pity?” Roxas hisses, breaking the silence, eyes narrowed and breathing harsh, partly from what Riku was doing earlier with Sora and partly because he looks like he’s trying to keep himself from shouting. “Do you think you’re doing me a favor by thinking that letting me borrow whatever parts of Sora’s life he thinks I’m allowed to have is suddenly going to make me feel better about the parts of my life that are gone?”
“…No,” Riku replies, very quietly. Do you think my feelings for you have changed at all? is what he doesn’t say. Because they haven’t. All he seems capable of doing right now is to just keep looking back at Roxas, who is glaring at him quite furiously, and once again feeling somewhat stupid for expecting things between Roxas and himself to magically work themselves out.
“I guess you just think, then, that if Sora thinks you’re so great, that I’m going to do the exact same thing,” the blond says.
“You idiot,” Riku says, fists curling in the blanket of Sora’s bed, and suddenly having to restrain himself from shouting as well.
“I don’t have anything else to say to you,” Roxas responds flatly, then disappears back inside of Sora. Sora takes one look at Riku, then ducks his head.
“Riku, I’m sorry,” he starts, “it was a bad idea and-” It’s frustrating, to Riku, thatSora feels the need to apologize for what Roxas said.
“No, hey, it’s okay,” Riku says, fists uncurling and a hand tentatively – and Riku doesn’t know why he’s hesitant around Sora now, too – reaching out towards Sora’s. The brunet immediately takes it, then scoots close and rests his forehead against Riku’s chest. “It’s… I kind of agreed to it too, so…”
“Not really,” Sora argues softly, “it’s not like I told you about it beforehand.” He seems intent on making this whole fiasco out to be his fault, even though Riku knows that it’s more likely his and Roxas’s faults. “Roxas doesn’t even want to talk to me now,” he adds, a little despondently.
“He just needs some time to cool down,” Riku murmurs, trying to sound reassuring. “Just give him a little while, and then you two can patch things up again.” He pulls Sora a little closer and nuzzles at the top of his head, causing the brunet to relax a little more. “Besides, I think he’s madder at me than he is at you.”
“I don’t get why,” Sora replies, sounding a little like he’s trying not to pout. He really doesn’t know much about the history between Riku and Roxas, then, does he? The problem with that conclusion is that Riku still can’t decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing yet, but worrying about that is the last thing he needs to be doing right now, when Sora’s still upset about Roxas.
“Hey, Sora,” Riku says; Sora looks up, blinking, and Riku kisses him lightly. “Let’s go to bed, okay?”
“Alright,” Sora smiles, and snuggles extra close to him under the covers.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Riku wakes up again to the sounds of Sora shifting in the bed. He starts to frown when the other boy is revealed to have spiky hair that’s blond instead of brown and a look in his eyes that is, even after he's got his heart and is back with Sora, the look of someone who's still just that little bit wary of what Riku's reaction will be, keeping his expression shut off just enough so that Riku can see the emotions but doesn’t really know what he’s thinking. But it's late at night, and so Riku's reminded more of furtive touches in dark, empty buildings than thrown sticks in the red glow of the sunset.
"This is a dream," Roxas says, hushed. "You're dreaming right now." And his eyes are big and pleading for him to understand, and they're so, so blue, even this late, but Riku isn't really sure what he's supposed to do.
"Okay," he softly agrees, because Sora's mom is still in the house and waking her up would lead to a lot of complications he’d rather not deal with right now. But Riku doesn't really have time to try and figure out what's going on or worry about who might hear what because Roxas is suddenly kissing him, fierce and with just a tiny bit of that silent plea still.
And Riku can't really help but respond because despite the fact that yes, Roxas is Sora is Roxas, and because he really does want Roxas - and Sora, though he’s still not sure exactly how much that line is blurred - to stop feeling so sad over Axel, he has also continued to want Roxas ever since they met in the Dark City. That despite the fact that Riku is very much in love with Sora and has been ever since he can remember, he can't help but desperately wish sometimes that the possibility of being with Roxas is something that could be more than just a dream.
Roxas rolls on top of him, just like that, and his mouth is warm and wet, his tongue, his hips moving against Riku's like they were born to do nothing else but that. And Roxas is wearing the exact same pajama bottoms Sora was wearing when he went to bed, but the blond seems more concerned about removing pajamas than giving Riku the time to ponder such things. As someone swallows a moan, Riku wonders how they're going to keep Sora's mom from waking up – really, because Roxas is almost as bad as Sora about being quiet sometimes – but the part of him that’s worried about getting caught isn’t as big as the part of him that wants to hang onto this for as long as he can. He has no idea if this’ll ever happen again, so maybe there really isn’t the time to dwell on meaningless things.
He’s not really sure how far Roxas wants to take this, but the blond just moves his hips again, slides as hand between them, and that’s just fine with Riku. Roxas doesn’t say anything coherent, just tumbles little meaningless half-words into Riku’s mouth every once in a while, biting at his lips, but Riku doesn’t really mind. Even if Roxas isn’t always thinking of him, though Riku can’t really tell if that’s the case right now or not, it doesn’t matter as much as making it so Roxas isn’t as upset anymore. The thought of that stings less than it might seem, but since Riku made a conscious decision to let go of things like jealousy, he’s never had as much dignity about these sorts of things as he probably should. Especially like this, with Roxas so close, almost clinging to him, breath humid – and Riku arches up into the hand between them with the softest of non-protests – teeth catching again on lips and his other hand gripping onto Riku’s shoulder as he shudders surprisingly quietly.
After, Roxas slowly loosens his hand, nips one last time at Riku’s bottom lip, and lets his head rest against Riku’s collarbone. He lets out a quiet little sigh, just a small puff of air, really, and he still seems a bit sad about it all, so Riku keeps holding him close. At first, Roxas seems like he’s going to object to this – Riku really hopes he doesn’t, though it wouldn’t be entirely unexpected if he did – but instead of moving away entirely, he just shifts a little so that he’s laying on his side, but still flush against him and holding on. Riku turns to face him, reaches over Roxas’s shoulders for some tissue to make things a little less sticky, then wraps his arm around the blond once more. Again, Roxas seems unsure at first, but with another sigh, something just barely audible, he slowly relaxes into the embrace. Riku hums once, just as quietly – because he can understand that sometimes words just get in the way – and keeps him close like that.
When Roxas’s breathing evens out, Riku looks down to see if he’s still awake. But the sleeping boy in Riku’s arms is a brunet again, and he’s wearing a soft, contented smile, so maybe everything’s still confusing, but there’s a chance it might eventually be alright, after all.