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Ahhh been gone so long.
Remember the last time I updated this after forgetting about it? And how I said I was going to post fic and never did?
...Yeah, me too. Sorry, guys ._. But I'm posting the backlog now, so that counts for something, right? Even if it's just copy-pasting what I wrote on LJ?
I'm going to be honest. I wrote this to kill the bunny. All I did was add about 2700 words, take out one song, and add another, but now I don't have to go back every time I write an Awakenings-verse scene referencing this fic and spend a couple hours (at least) deciding how Riku or Xehanort or Naminé or Rep or Kairi or other characters' responses should be written. I'm not pimping this to comms since it's not a new fic, but you can go ahead and tell people about the update, and I won't mind.
Download the zip here.
Individual files uploaded upon request.
Disclaimers: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Neither does Ansem. Or Xehanort's Heartless, whatever you wish to call him. If you're not a fan of nonconsensual themes, this probably isn't the mix for you. This mix also contains violence and strong language. All music belongs to the original artists; I'm only borrowing to comment on the characters/situation.
The previous version of this FST + fic was dedicated to powercorrupts@LJ, and it still is. This version was written for Riku, and will hopefully make it easier for me to write other things now.
There's still a lot of NIN on the FST, and I still think the songs fit.
Said the Spider to the Fly
//Prologue//
1. Somewhat Damaged - Nine Inch Nails
Ansem: Lick around divine debris
Taste the wealth of hate in me
Shedding skin succumb defeat
This machine is obsolete
Riku: Broken, bruised, forgotten, sore
Too fucked up to care anymore
A: Poisoned to my rotten core
Too fucked up to care anymore
R: Then my head fell apart
And where were you?
How could I ever think it's funny how
Everything you swore would never change is different now?
Like you said you and me make it through
Didn't quite, fell apart
Where the fuck were you?
There's a key and a princess, on an island in the middle of nowhere. There's a door that leads to the darkness. There's a man who wants the power these things offer. There's a boy who wants to leave, who will get him what he wants.
2. The Day The World Went Away - Nine Inch Nails
I listened to the words he'd say
But in his voice, I heard decay
There is a place that still remains
It eats the fear, it eats the pain
The sweetest price he'll have to pay
The day the whole world went away
The door has been opened. Riku wanted a way off this world, and now he has been provided with one. The darkness is what is going to let Riku go to other worlds. Riku is not afraid of the darkness.
And one more world falls to the darkness.
//Said the Spider//
3. Violet - Savage Garden
I've got a dream to take you over
Exploding like a supernova
I'm gonna crash into your world
And that's no lie
You want to give ecstasy delivered with certainty
But you're afraid that the pleasure won't be needed
In a way, we're the same two people looking out to sea
For a wave that would carry all our fantasies
If there's a way to infiltrate you
Sway your mind and complicate you
I'm gonna crash into your world
And that's no lie
Contemplate jealousy intermixed with urgency
A million things take a damned good shot at you and me
I'm gonna take you
I'll do my best to break you
I'm gonna take you higher
And that's no lie
Although Riku is staying in Hollow Bastion and has nurtured and fed his jealousies and insecurities, it's going to take some time before Riku accepts the darkness completely, accepts him. But that's alright.
Ansem's been waiting ten years for this; surely he has the patience to wait just a little bit longer.
4. Ice - Sarah McLachlan
The ice is thin, c'mon, dive in
Underneath my lucid skin the cold is lost, forgotten
Hours pass, days pass, time stands still
Light gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart, forbidden
I think you worried for me, then
The subtle way that I'd give in
But I know you liked the show
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
Offer what you can,
I'll take all that I can get
Only a fool's here
Riku has lost. Sora fought him for the Keyblade, and won it back. Sora chose that stupid dog and duck over him. He has no one to turn to. He's hurt, vindictive, and more than a bit desperate.
And Ansem knows that this is the time.
5. Crushingly Closer - Garbage & Nine Inch Nails
R: I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
A: You can have my isolation
R: Someone like you
A: You can have the hate that it brings
R: I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
A: You can have my absence of faith
R: And tear it apart
A: You can have my everything
R: Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
A: I wanna fuck you like an animal
R: And I can never be ignored
A: I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
There are things that are not Riku's yet that should be, and Ansem says he will give him the power he needs. Riku remembers what it was like the last time he gained more power from the darkness, how good the rush was, how thick that euphoria felt. This should be even better, give him even more power. He wants more power very, very much and doesn't even bother trying to hide it.
He has no other options.
6. Said The Spider To The Fly
A: I want your head
I want your wicked parts
I want to wring out your evil thoughts
I want to eat out your bitter heart
And when your lover loves to cheat
There's another you could meet
It's a short pier, it's a long walk home
You gotta show me where it hurts
There's a beast and a burden
Kickin' spittin' on your bathroom floor
This is your life, this is your life
And when I'm done it's over a little bit more
Good things die all the time
God bless your heart, vengeance is mine
Kiss me like you mean goodbye
Said the spider to the fly
When all those times you thought that you were wrong,
You were right
R: I feel the end is near
My little Monday night whore
My little Saturday night
Became a Sunday remorse
I'll never rot up with disease
Don't you bury me and leave
Don't you leave me in the ground alone
And he laid across me, put his head across my chest like he was listening to my heart, because at one point he told me he was gonna eat my heart.
He said he was gonna eat your heart?
Yes, that's-
"If you submit yourself completely to the Darkness, there will be nothing you want that you cannot obtain." He steps closer to Riku, and though the acrid blue seeping from the robe makes his eyes want to water, Riku keeps them focused on the two amber-gold points within the hood. Ansem is very tall, standing so very close to Riku and placing his hands on Riku's shoulders, and Riku reminds both himself and the little knot of doubt and nausea in his gut once again that he is not afraid. "Let me show you how it is done."
//To The Fly//
7. Insatiable Love - Darren Hayes & Marilyn Manson
A: When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves I let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin I'm stained in you
R: Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain you drive in the heart of me
The love we share seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
A: Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you insatiable
R: Tainted love
And you think love is to pray,
but I'm sorry, I don't pray that way
"...Wait", Riku says. Something feels strange.
Riku blinks, to find that during the fraction of a second in which his eyes were closed he’s been transported somewhere else entirely. No, that’s not right; it’s his consciousness that is somewhere else, not his body. Distantly, he thinks his body might’ve collapsed on the stone floor of the castle chapel, breathing shallowly, Ansem curiously no longer standing before him or gripping onto his shoulders, but Riku’s awareness has been turned inwards, somewhere within the many chambers of his heart. Riku’s not exactly sure how, but he knows instinctually that this is the inside of his heart, and that he’s very close to the center.
All around him is an indistinct, blue-tinted place, with a navy-black floor under his feet and iron-grey clouds to the sides and above, shot with streaks of more navy and the faintest hint of maroon. Is this really what the inside of his heart looks like? He hadn’t expected it to be so… unhappy-looking. But Riku doesn’t have the time to think about anything because he’s suddenly not alone anymore.
“Who are you?” Riku demands, a wave of tension and adrenaline shooting up his spine like lightning.
“Ansem,” Ansem says, smiling, “Seeker of Darkness.” Riku doesn’t believe it at first, but this man has the same deep voice as Ansem when he was wearing the brown cloak, with the same subtly amused tone, and he has the same hawk-gold eyes that Riku’d glimpsed from under Ansem’s hood less than a minute ago, even if it seems like the man should be too far away to tell the color of his eyes, so it must be Ansem. But even though Ansem looks further away from Riku, it feels like he is still very close, too close to be normal, like anyone else in this place inside Riku’s heart besides Riku is somehow unnatural. The thing that catches Riku’s attention the most, however, is that Ansem – bare-chested with a long coat, gloves, form-fitting pants, high boots, everything either dark like his skin or white like his hair, the only other color the inside of his coat – has the black-thorned, red-tinged symbol Riku’s seen before on other dark creatures, right on the center of his chest.
8. Infra-Red - Placebo
One more thing before we start the final face-off
I will be the one to watch you fall
I'm coming up on infra-red
There is no running that can hide you
'Cause I can see in the dark
I'm coming up on infra-red
Forget your running I will find you
Ansem is a Heartless. There is a Heartless inside Riku’s heart. Judging by the mere moments Riku had to himself in here before Ansem appeared, Ansem managed to travel very close to the center of Riku’s heart in a very short amount of time. Riku realizes that the center of his heart is exactly where he’s standing right now, right in the center of his chest. He also realizes that he did not realize any of this as soon as he should have.
“Why are you here?” Riku demands again.
“This is what you wanted,” Ansem responds, still smiling, as if he’s explaining something to a small child. “This is what you asked me to do.” Slowly, he begins walking forward towards Riku, who draws his Soul Eater reflexively. “If you want to gain more power, you must open your heart to darkness. You cannot get the Keyblade back from Sora otherwise.” Riku’s also beginning to realize that this isn’t about Sora anymore. “All that I ask in return for my assistance is that you do something for me.”
“And what’s that?” Riku asks, though he doesn’t actually want to know the answer.
“Some time ago,” Ansem says, “I found myself requiring new physical accommodations,” Riku translates Ansem’s words as fast as he can, “and I believe that you, Riku, are the perfect vessel.” Something very bitter and solid drops into the pit of Riku’s stomach, but Ansem just keeps walking closer, looking more pleased by the second.
“I’m not going to be some-” he was going to say vessel, but Ansem sweeps a hand to the side. The Soul Eater silently disintegrates, vanishing, and Riku stops with a gasp.
“You’re a very stubborn boy, Riku,” Ansem is still walking closer though no longer smiling, “and it has kept your heart from being consumed by darkness,” the Soul Eater isn’t reappearing, and all Riku can do now is clench his fists, “but I will be upfront with you and inform you that such stubbornness against me is simply unacceptable.” Riku swings at Ansem when he gets in range, but the man – the Heartless, Ansem is a Heartless – simply holds out his hand and catches the fist, then pushes forward and throws Riku backwards. Riku lands hard on the indistinct ground, and before he can scramble up on his feet again, Ansem is already standing right in front of him, looking down with a smile slowly creeping back onto his face. “If you are not going to do as you are told,” Ansem says, “then I will have to be strict with you, and I will continue to be strict until you understand that your only option is to do exactly as I say.”
"I'm not-" Riku starts again, feeling a knot of anger in his stomach now as well, but a black pool underneath Ansem's feet grows and reaches tendrils out, wrapping around Riku's forearms, and now he's stuck sitting on the floor, craning his neck up because Ansem is still very very tall.
"Riku," Ansem interrupts, "if you continue to be stubborn, you will only have yourself to blame for causing me to be strict.” Then, crouching down in front of him, “Although you look... curious, don't you?" Riku realizes that Ansem is actually looking for a reason to do whatever it is he wants to do next. He struggles against the tendrils around his arms, but they just tighten, a wave of black knocking the air out of him and silently holding him down, flat on his back with arms and legs spread like a starfish, Ansem himself just leaning forward more, over Riku but not yet touching. Riku isn’t sure how he knows it's a yet, but he hates that he knows. Still, he tries to kick out with his legs, but all it does is bring the yet faster when, with a sudden flash of anger on his face, Ansem simply grabs onto Riku's ankles with a bruising grip and slams Riku's heels hard into the floor.
Ansem’s hands are ice-cold. Something like a shudder runs through Riku, from his shoulders down to his ankles, and then Ansem is smiling again.
"You see?" There are too many teeth in that smile, Riku thinks. "The only choice you have, Riku, is to submit to me." Before, he'd said submit to darkness. Now it's to him, or was that Ansem's plan all along?
"That's not a choice." He still can't move any of his limbs, and tries to keep his face from heating up. Ansem chuckles, then, something deep and anticipatory that catches something in the back of Riku's throat.
"Very good;" Ansem responds, somehow aware of that catch, "you're beginning to understand."
"That you're a liar?" This only amuses Ansem further.
"When have I told you that the power you seek requires anything other than opening your heart to it?" Ansem asks. "Maybe it is you who have been lying to yourself, Riku. But you realize now, don't you? I can feel it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Riku glares back, cheeks warm.
"Why..." it looks as if Ansem's trying to hold back another chuckle, "you've stopped struggling, haven't you?" With another shock of surprise, Riku realizes that while Ansem's hands are still holding onto his ankles, they aren't digging his heels into the floor anymore. Immediately, he tries to kick again, but in one swift motion, - even using the movement of Riku’s legs to his advantage – Ansem simultaneously leans forward even further and stops Riku’s kicks, his face now hovering directly over Riku’s, golden eyes gleaming. Riku can’t tell if it’s Ansem’s knees or more of those ropelike tendrils holding his legs down, but he can’t move any of his limbs at all now, just clench his fists and look up, bangs falling to either side of his face when he tries to keep his head as far away from Ansem’s as possible. He’s trying very very hard to keep his breathing under control.
“Now,” Ansem says, looking down at him, “you will open your heart.” With his right hand, Ansem draws a line in the air down the length of Riku’s torso, the other propping him up on the floor beside Riku’s neck, and then Riku’s shirt dissolves into the atmosphere. Involuntarily, Riku shivers, and he looks down sharply at his body, only to see his chest rising and falling with quick, increasingly uneven breaths. Just as sharply, he looks back up again with hot cheeks at Ansem, who is now wearing an openly hungry expression.
“No, I-”
“Riku.” Ansem’s hand is now hovering over Riku’s chest again. He talks as if he’s bestowing upon Riku some ancient wisdom long-forgotten until now. “There’s no point in attempting to claim ignorance now; I’ve told you numerous times the nature of what you were asking me.”
“Nn-” Riku hasn’t been able to finish his sentences for some time since this started, but now he can’t even finish a single word. Leisurely – and clearly enjoying the contrast in tempo between his actions and Riku’s hitching breath and burning face – Ansem places his hand, palm flat, right on top of Riku’s heart. The rest of Riku’s protestation shrivels up into a half-noise let out the back of his throat, unintelligible and strangely dampened.
“Now this,” Ansem’s eyes are glinting expectantly, “this I have waited a very long time for.” He’s drawing it out, but Riku can’t do anything besides lie there, held down with lungs steadily working up towards hyperventilation. Even the little bit he can squirm only makes Ansem’s grin stretch wider, gaze focused on Riku’s skin under the gloved hand. Even when Riku tries to make himself as flat and low-to-the-ground as possible, Ansem just keeps his palm on Riku’s chest.
Only after Riku’s exhausted all possibilities of movement – which aren’t very many at all – does Ansem adjust his gaze, slowly bringing it up to look Riku right in the eyes. It’s in that moment, stretched out to a small eternity, that Riku can do absolutely nothing except stare right back, pupils too wide and breath suspended, absolutely nothing he can do to stop the next moment from arriving, absolutely nothing he can do to stop what Ansem is going to do next. In that moment, there are no words, no sound of Riku’s breaths, no deep and amused tones of Ansem’s voice, only silence and certainty.
Only then does Ansem push his ice-cold hand past the paper-thin final barrier of Riku’s skin, sink it into Riku’s chest, and close his fingers around Riku’s heart.
9. Me, I'm Not - Nine Inch Nails
And it's happening
Never planned on this
You got something I need
Kind of dangerous
And I'm losing control
I'm not used to this
What you want from me
I'm not used to this
I can't shut it off
This thing I've begun
Hey, can we stop?
Me, I'm not
If I take it all back
Some way, somehow
If I knew back then
What I know right now
The little amount of gasped air left in Riku’s lungs is pushed out, and something seizes up inside of him. This isn't anything like what Riku thought it would be, isn't what he wanted, isn't-
It hurts, more than anything else. In his heart, deep in the very center of who he is and spreading out like a toxin, it hurts. It feels so nauseatingly wrong, it's too much, it-
It’s just the beginning, really, because it’s then that Ansem starts to go through Riku’s memories, digging through and picking them apart one by one. Riku’s not sure how long it actually takes, only that it feels like it takes forever.
“You’re really very childish, aren’t you, Riku?” All Riku can seem to do is shudder. “You didn’t want the Keyblade to open the door to Kingdom Hearts. You didn’t even want it to save Kairi anymore. You just wanted to keep it from Sora. Isn’t that right, Riku?” Ansem laughs when Riku doesn’t respond, just squeezes his eyes shut. “Do you just want things so that other people can’t have them, Riku? How selfish. You’re really a very selfish boy at heart, aren’t you, Riku?”
Riku tries to protest this, but all that comes out is another garbled, halting, hitched noise from the back of his throat. As Ansem’s hand finds another memory, Ansem brings his face closer to Riku’s, close enough so that Riku can feel Ansem breathing on his face.
“But it’s not just things like the Keyblade that you’re selfish with, is it, Riku?” He lingers on the memory of a cave. “You thought that seeing the keyhole made you so special, didn’t you? Special enough to get all of the attention you wanted.” Another memory of the same cave, now with a drawing added. “You’re selfish when it comes to people, too, aren’t you, Riku? Did you really think that anything you could do would change what was going to happen?” Yet another memory of the cave, the drawing updated. The night he’d decided that going to another world required something other than a raft. “It didn’t work, did it, Riku? Everything you tried to do got thrown away,” a flash of the memory of Sora discarding the star-shaped object – fruit, it was a fruit – Riku gave him, “and they just continued moving ahead without you, didn’t they, Riku? Yet you refused to acknowledge it, as obvious as it was. The Hero and the Princess; very classic.” And then Riku realizes who Kairi is in Ansem’s grand scheme. No wonder Maleficent had been so eager to help. “I know exactly where her heart is, by the way, but I think I’ll save the revelation for a little while longer.”
Riku wants to throw up. He wants it to be over with, already. He wants Ansem to get his hand out of his heart and go away. None of those things are going to happen anytime soon. Instead, he just turns his face away, squeezing his eyes tighter, gasping for breaths that won’t come.
“Don’t ignore me, Riku,” Ansem bites out, his face so close now that his mouth is mere inches from Riku’s ear, emphasizing his words with a particularly rough dig towards the next memory. Another noise Riku can’t define travels from the back of his throat and out of his mouth; when he tries to stop the sound, all that happens is that it’s slightly dampened again.
“What amuses me the most about you, Riku,” Ansem continues, the rumbled undertow of his chuckle held back only ever-so-slightly once again, “ is your insistence that the things you don’t like will simply cease to exist if you pretend they are not there. Where has it gotten you? It has certainly not helped you attain any of the things you think you want, the things and people you so selfishly attempt to keep for yourself.”
10. Trouble - Coldplay
Oh no, what's this?
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I'd done
And I never meant to cause you trouble
I never meant to do you wrong
And ah, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm
Oh no, I see
The spider web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble
They spun a web for me
Ansem finds a memory of Riku in his bedroom on Destiny Islands, late at night, alone.
"After all your protests and denials, all you really want to do is keep things selfishly to yourself." Not this one; it's private. "And yet you can't even do that, can you, Riku?" In the memory, Riku is thinking about Kairi, and then, surprising himself quite thoroughly, he is thinking about Sora. In the present, flat on his back and doing everything he can not to cry, Riku finds himself suddenly missing them both more he'd thought possible.
Especially Sora. What had he been doing this whole time? He'd been trying to kill Sora only earlier today. And why? Because Sora had the Keyblade? Because Sora'd left him and Kairi for a talking dog and duck? Because Sora'd been getting too much attention from Kairi? But hadn't Riku realized back then, in that memory, that it hadn't been just about Kairi? He'd realized that it was also very much about Sora. It had been such a sudden and abrupt realization that it had shifted something very fundamental in Riku's perception of the world, both focusing and blurring things at the same time.
"That's not what you think it is, Riku," Ansem laughs. "That's not the feeling you've been trying to convince yourself it is."
Liar, Riku tries to say, but nothing resembling any coherent word comes out of his mouth. And if he keeps thinking about Sora instead, it makes everything that's happening right now seem that little bit farther away.
"It's not even a feeling at all, is it, Riku?" Riku pictures Sora's face in his mind, “It’s just hormones, chemicals in your body. It cannot possibly be a feeling if you can’t even make up your mind between the two of them, Riku.” Riku curls up his idea of himself around the idea of Sora. “Or is it just that you don’t want to make up your mind? It’s just more of your selfishness, then, isn’t it, Riku? One could almost call it promiscuity.” Riku clings frantically to the idea of Sora to keep away from Ansem's laughter and Ansem forcing his way into his heart as best he can, and tries to hold back the cry threatening to burst from his lips.
11. Water - Breaking Benjamin
What's all this talk of an ocean?
I'd rather drink from the engine
What did you mean when you said no?
I only want what is best for you
I will never let you drown
No, I won't ever let you down
There is no end to recover
You tell me there is no other
The surface is getting hotter
Well, I'll shove your head underwater
“And yet, in the end,” Ansem says with a smile full of teeth, “you have lost them both, and Sora has his Keyblade once again. You’ve accomplished absolutely nothing at all. The only thing you’re actually good at is holding darkness inside your heart. I’m the only one who you can possibly be of use to. Isn’t that right, Riku?” Riku just shivers, silent, all his attention focused as much on his memories of Sora – the good ones – and as far away from Ansem as possible. Then, the hair-trigger fury once again. “I thought I told you not to ignore me, Riku.” Ansem claws with his hand through Riku’s memories, reaching for the ones Riku’s wrapped around and trying to pull him out.
“G-G-Go a-a-w-way.” He still shuddering, can’t speak properly at all, but those are the first words Riku’s been able to say in quite a while, and he’s not budging from the place he’s clinging to.
“There are things I require use of your body for, and I cannot fall behind schedule,” Ansem says, voice as cold as his hand. Riku doesn’t move. “We will finish this conversation later.” Then, Riku’s consciousness slowly shifts and dissolves from the inside of his heart back to the outside. Ansem picks Riku’s body up from where it had collapsed and brushes some dust off of the suit of darkness that is now on Riku’s body once again. It’s like watching a movie from behind his own eyes. His heart still hurts, but at least it’s not as sharp as when Ansem had his hand there.
Now, Ansem sends his thoughts back to Riku as he’s using Riku’s body to walk towards Riku’s room, let’s begin. Almost as if what had just happened was a mere warm-up before the main act. Riku doesn’t respond. To make sure Riku’s still paying attention despite his silence, Ansem uses Riku’s body to carry Kairi from where she’d been laying on a divan in Riku’s room to the keyhole. Maleficent shows up, noticing nothing, not even Ansem’s amused voice interweaving with the flattened tone of Riku’s, and Ansem calls a dark Keyblade made from the Princess’ hearts into Riku’s hand. A Keyblade of your very own. Riku doesn’t respond. Maleficent scoffs at Sora’s strength, and Ansem is both pleased and unsurprised to see her defeated. Ansem uses Riku’s body to thrust the dark Keyblade into Maleficent’s heart, and although it turns her into a dragon, Maleficent is defeated once again. Sora doesn’t notice anything, either.
That must mean that this is the one thing you’re good at. Ansem waits at the keyhole, and finds a way to keep himself amused until Sora gets there. Or possibly, the answer is that Sora just hates you too much to care. I wonder how much he’s looking forward to attacking you with his Keyblade again. Riku doesn’t respond. His silence is rewarded when Sora arrives; Donald and Goofy are repelled by a barrier Ansem makes, but Sora notices immediately that Riku isn’t the one in control of his body and demands that Ansem release him. Does that mean that Sora isn’t mad at him anymore?
Don’t be so arrogant. Riku keeps his eyes glued on Sora. Shall I tell you where Kairi’s heart is? I think you’ll find it amusing.
…Liar.
It’s a vicious fight, but Sora still wins, and Riku dares to hope that this will mean that Sora will try to reach him. But then he watches, from the shadowed corner where Ansem’s been hiding Riku’s body from the sight of the others, in horror and a yell that no one else hears, as Sora pushes the dark Keyblade into his chest and turns into a Heartless.
Sora is not going to save you.
12. Lillian - +44
The place I used to live made me feel like a tourist
I couldn't coexist with the cold and suspicious
When the last remaining light was starting to filter
It seemed the perfect time to step into the future
Your heart is a grave, to be perfectly honest
Your mouth's a smoking gun
And you smile while you're twisting
the knife in my stomach
Till everything is gone
Take all you can from me
I've got weak constitution
I'm led so easily
So easily
So long forgotten friends, no you don't know the difference
between love and submission, and I'm not that obedient
Is this Ansem's definition of submission? To reach into places in Riku he should never be allowed to go? To take over his body to fight the friends Riku realizes only now that he should never have pushed away? Even after Sora's lost, to get rid of those no longer "necessary"? Well, fuck that.
"No! I won't let you use me for this!" And even as he wonders if Kairi knows what kind of fate he's telling her to leave him to, he doesn't feel anything but affection for her; he's glad that he's able to save her, at least.
13. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking - Snow Patrol
Every second dripping off my fingertips
(I could do most anything to you)
wage your war, wage your war
(I could do most anything to you)
In slow motion, the blast is beautiful
(I could do most anything to you)
Doors slam shut, doors slam shut
(I could do most anything to you)
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
(I could do most anything to you)
safe and sound, safe and sound
So you managed to hold me off momentarily, Ansem sneers. But it will cost you. Still standing behind him, Ansem steps forward and shoves his arm into Riku's back; he wrenches something in Riku's heart again, and it's almost more painful, more invasive the second time.
It will cost you dearly, Riku. On his hands and knees, shuddering, gasping for breath, Riku is pushed out of his body and into the Realm of Darkness.
14. Gagging Order (Live) - Radiohead
I know what you're thinking
But I'm not your property
No matter what you say
No matter what you say
Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see
"Take a look at this tiny place. To the heart seeking freedom, this island is a prison, surrounded by water. And so, this boy sought to escape from his prison. He sought a way to cross over into other worlds. And he opened his heart to darkness."
And somewhere, wandering in the darkness, Riku meets a King.
15. Brain Damage - Pink Floyd
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me till I'm sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
And there's someone in my head, but it's not me
"Come on, Sora, giving up already? I thought you were stronger than that." And for an instant, even as Ansem's appearance can't help reflect part of the monster within - there's nothing grotesque enough to reflect the complete truth - Riku watches Sora fly.
16. Eclipse - Pink Floyd
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon
After everything is over and Ansem has been defeated by the light, Riku stays in the dark so that everyone else can get their happy ending. He wants to see his friends again, but there's a door needs to be closed first. Hmm... maybe in a little while.
//Epilogue//
17. Wild - Poe
Tell me what you've come for
Moving like a hunter through my back door
Leaving the perfume of all you adore
To die nameless on my floor
Yeah, well, we both know that you don't play fair
I guess you really think that you get me there
Let's be honest, perhaps this little ride
Is too much for even you to bear
You got some nerve to come back here
You're not the only one who can smell fear
I go wild 'cause you break me open
I go wild 'cause you left me here
I go wild 'cause your promises are broken
Wild, don't you get it dear?
You're not the only one who runs on instincts
No, I got instincts of my own
Somehow, Riku leaves the Realm of Darkness. The King has been so kind and understanding, never hesitating to help as best as he can. In the white halls of Oblivion, Riku refuses to be weak like he was before, refuses to give in. But although Ansem is not completely gone, Riku has been able to find a darkness that's his own and can truly say that he is no longer afraid.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
So... there we go. Comments if you take it would be appreciated.
...Yeah, me too. Sorry, guys ._. But I'm posting the backlog now, so that counts for something, right? Even if it's just copy-pasting what I wrote on LJ?
I'm going to be honest. I wrote this to kill the bunny. All I did was add about 2700 words, take out one song, and add another, but now I don't have to go back every time I write an Awakenings-verse scene referencing this fic and spend a couple hours (at least) deciding how Riku or Xehanort or Naminé or Rep or Kairi or other characters' responses should be written. I'm not pimping this to comms since it's not a new fic, but you can go ahead and tell people about the update, and I won't mind.
Download the zip here.
Individual files uploaded upon request.
Disclaimers: I don't own Kingdom Hearts. Neither does Ansem. Or Xehanort's Heartless, whatever you wish to call him. If you're not a fan of nonconsensual themes, this probably isn't the mix for you. This mix also contains violence and strong language. All music belongs to the original artists; I'm only borrowing to comment on the characters/situation.
The previous version of this FST + fic was dedicated to powercorrupts@LJ, and it still is. This version was written for Riku, and will hopefully make it easier for me to write other things now.
There's still a lot of NIN on the FST, and I still think the songs fit.
Said the Spider to the Fly
//Prologue//
1. Somewhat Damaged - Nine Inch Nails
Ansem: Lick around divine debris
Taste the wealth of hate in me
Shedding skin succumb defeat
This machine is obsolete
Riku: Broken, bruised, forgotten, sore
Too fucked up to care anymore
A: Poisoned to my rotten core
Too fucked up to care anymore
R: Then my head fell apart
And where were you?
How could I ever think it's funny how
Everything you swore would never change is different now?
Like you said you and me make it through
Didn't quite, fell apart
Where the fuck were you?
There's a key and a princess, on an island in the middle of nowhere. There's a door that leads to the darkness. There's a man who wants the power these things offer. There's a boy who wants to leave, who will get him what he wants.
2. The Day The World Went Away - Nine Inch Nails
I listened to the words he'd say
But in his voice, I heard decay
There is a place that still remains
It eats the fear, it eats the pain
The sweetest price he'll have to pay
The day the whole world went away
The door has been opened. Riku wanted a way off this world, and now he has been provided with one. The darkness is what is going to let Riku go to other worlds. Riku is not afraid of the darkness.
And one more world falls to the darkness.
//Said the Spider//
3. Violet - Savage Garden
I've got a dream to take you over
Exploding like a supernova
I'm gonna crash into your world
And that's no lie
You want to give ecstasy delivered with certainty
But you're afraid that the pleasure won't be needed
In a way, we're the same two people looking out to sea
For a wave that would carry all our fantasies
If there's a way to infiltrate you
Sway your mind and complicate you
I'm gonna crash into your world
And that's no lie
Contemplate jealousy intermixed with urgency
A million things take a damned good shot at you and me
I'm gonna take you
I'll do my best to break you
I'm gonna take you higher
And that's no lie
Although Riku is staying in Hollow Bastion and has nurtured and fed his jealousies and insecurities, it's going to take some time before Riku accepts the darkness completely, accepts him. But that's alright.
Ansem's been waiting ten years for this; surely he has the patience to wait just a little bit longer.
4. Ice - Sarah McLachlan
The ice is thin, c'mon, dive in
Underneath my lucid skin the cold is lost, forgotten
Hours pass, days pass, time stands still
Light gets dark and darkness fills my secret heart, forbidden
I think you worried for me, then
The subtle way that I'd give in
But I know you liked the show
The only comfort is the moving of the river
You enter into me, a lie upon your lips
Offer what you can,
I'll take all that I can get
Only a fool's here
Riku has lost. Sora fought him for the Keyblade, and won it back. Sora chose that stupid dog and duck over him. He has no one to turn to. He's hurt, vindictive, and more than a bit desperate.
And Ansem knows that this is the time.
5. Crushingly Closer - Garbage & Nine Inch Nails
R: I will pray for you
I will pray for you
I will sell my soul for something pure and true
A: You can have my isolation
R: Someone like you
A: You can have the hate that it brings
R: I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
A: You can have my absence of faith
R: And tear it apart
A: You can have my everything
R: Violate all The love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me
A: I wanna fuck you like an animal
R: And I can never be ignored
A: I wanna fuck you like an animal
My whole existence is flawed
You get me closer to God
There are things that are not Riku's yet that should be, and Ansem says he will give him the power he needs. Riku remembers what it was like the last time he gained more power from the darkness, how good the rush was, how thick that euphoria felt. This should be even better, give him even more power. He wants more power very, very much and doesn't even bother trying to hide it.
He has no other options.
6. Said The Spider To The Fly
A: I want your head
I want your wicked parts
I want to wring out your evil thoughts
I want to eat out your bitter heart
And when your lover loves to cheat
There's another you could meet
It's a short pier, it's a long walk home
You gotta show me where it hurts
There's a beast and a burden
Kickin' spittin' on your bathroom floor
This is your life, this is your life
And when I'm done it's over a little bit more
Good things die all the time
God bless your heart, vengeance is mine
Kiss me like you mean goodbye
Said the spider to the fly
When all those times you thought that you were wrong,
You were right
R: I feel the end is near
My little Monday night whore
My little Saturday night
Became a Sunday remorse
I'll never rot up with disease
Don't you bury me and leave
Don't you leave me in the ground alone
And he laid across me, put his head across my chest like he was listening to my heart, because at one point he told me he was gonna eat my heart.
He said he was gonna eat your heart?
Yes, that's-
"If you submit yourself completely to the Darkness, there will be nothing you want that you cannot obtain." He steps closer to Riku, and though the acrid blue seeping from the robe makes his eyes want to water, Riku keeps them focused on the two amber-gold points within the hood. Ansem is very tall, standing so very close to Riku and placing his hands on Riku's shoulders, and Riku reminds both himself and the little knot of doubt and nausea in his gut once again that he is not afraid. "Let me show you how it is done."
//To The Fly//
7. Insatiable Love - Darren Hayes & Marilyn Manson
A: When moonlight crawls along the street
Chasing away the summer heat
Footsteps outside somewhere below
The world revolves I let it go
We build our church above the street
We practice love between these sheets
The candy sweetness scent of you
It bathes my skin I'm stained in you
R: Sometimes I feel I've got to
Run away I've got to
Get away
From the pain you drive in the heart of me
The love we share seems to go nowhere
And I've lost my lights
I toss and turn I can't sleep at night
A: Turn the lights down low
Take it off, let me show
My love for you insatiable
Turn me on, never stop
Wanna taste every drop
My love for you insatiable
R: Tainted love
And you think love is to pray,
but I'm sorry, I don't pray that way
"...Wait", Riku says. Something feels strange.
Riku blinks, to find that during the fraction of a second in which his eyes were closed he’s been transported somewhere else entirely. No, that’s not right; it’s his consciousness that is somewhere else, not his body. Distantly, he thinks his body might’ve collapsed on the stone floor of the castle chapel, breathing shallowly, Ansem curiously no longer standing before him or gripping onto his shoulders, but Riku’s awareness has been turned inwards, somewhere within the many chambers of his heart. Riku’s not exactly sure how, but he knows instinctually that this is the inside of his heart, and that he’s very close to the center.
All around him is an indistinct, blue-tinted place, with a navy-black floor under his feet and iron-grey clouds to the sides and above, shot with streaks of more navy and the faintest hint of maroon. Is this really what the inside of his heart looks like? He hadn’t expected it to be so… unhappy-looking. But Riku doesn’t have the time to think about anything because he’s suddenly not alone anymore.
“Who are you?” Riku demands, a wave of tension and adrenaline shooting up his spine like lightning.
“Ansem,” Ansem says, smiling, “Seeker of Darkness.” Riku doesn’t believe it at first, but this man has the same deep voice as Ansem when he was wearing the brown cloak, with the same subtly amused tone, and he has the same hawk-gold eyes that Riku’d glimpsed from under Ansem’s hood less than a minute ago, even if it seems like the man should be too far away to tell the color of his eyes, so it must be Ansem. But even though Ansem looks further away from Riku, it feels like he is still very close, too close to be normal, like anyone else in this place inside Riku’s heart besides Riku is somehow unnatural. The thing that catches Riku’s attention the most, however, is that Ansem – bare-chested with a long coat, gloves, form-fitting pants, high boots, everything either dark like his skin or white like his hair, the only other color the inside of his coat – has the black-thorned, red-tinged symbol Riku’s seen before on other dark creatures, right on the center of his chest.
8. Infra-Red - Placebo
One more thing before we start the final face-off
I will be the one to watch you fall
I'm coming up on infra-red
There is no running that can hide you
'Cause I can see in the dark
I'm coming up on infra-red
Forget your running I will find you
Ansem is a Heartless. There is a Heartless inside Riku’s heart. Judging by the mere moments Riku had to himself in here before Ansem appeared, Ansem managed to travel very close to the center of Riku’s heart in a very short amount of time. Riku realizes that the center of his heart is exactly where he’s standing right now, right in the center of his chest. He also realizes that he did not realize any of this as soon as he should have.
“Why are you here?” Riku demands again.
“This is what you wanted,” Ansem responds, still smiling, as if he’s explaining something to a small child. “This is what you asked me to do.” Slowly, he begins walking forward towards Riku, who draws his Soul Eater reflexively. “If you want to gain more power, you must open your heart to darkness. You cannot get the Keyblade back from Sora otherwise.” Riku’s also beginning to realize that this isn’t about Sora anymore. “All that I ask in return for my assistance is that you do something for me.”
“And what’s that?” Riku asks, though he doesn’t actually want to know the answer.
“Some time ago,” Ansem says, “I found myself requiring new physical accommodations,” Riku translates Ansem’s words as fast as he can, “and I believe that you, Riku, are the perfect vessel.” Something very bitter and solid drops into the pit of Riku’s stomach, but Ansem just keeps walking closer, looking more pleased by the second.
“I’m not going to be some-” he was going to say vessel, but Ansem sweeps a hand to the side. The Soul Eater silently disintegrates, vanishing, and Riku stops with a gasp.
“You’re a very stubborn boy, Riku,” Ansem is still walking closer though no longer smiling, “and it has kept your heart from being consumed by darkness,” the Soul Eater isn’t reappearing, and all Riku can do now is clench his fists, “but I will be upfront with you and inform you that such stubbornness against me is simply unacceptable.” Riku swings at Ansem when he gets in range, but the man – the Heartless, Ansem is a Heartless – simply holds out his hand and catches the fist, then pushes forward and throws Riku backwards. Riku lands hard on the indistinct ground, and before he can scramble up on his feet again, Ansem is already standing right in front of him, looking down with a smile slowly creeping back onto his face. “If you are not going to do as you are told,” Ansem says, “then I will have to be strict with you, and I will continue to be strict until you understand that your only option is to do exactly as I say.”
"I'm not-" Riku starts again, feeling a knot of anger in his stomach now as well, but a black pool underneath Ansem's feet grows and reaches tendrils out, wrapping around Riku's forearms, and now he's stuck sitting on the floor, craning his neck up because Ansem is still very very tall.
"Riku," Ansem interrupts, "if you continue to be stubborn, you will only have yourself to blame for causing me to be strict.” Then, crouching down in front of him, “Although you look... curious, don't you?" Riku realizes that Ansem is actually looking for a reason to do whatever it is he wants to do next. He struggles against the tendrils around his arms, but they just tighten, a wave of black knocking the air out of him and silently holding him down, flat on his back with arms and legs spread like a starfish, Ansem himself just leaning forward more, over Riku but not yet touching. Riku isn’t sure how he knows it's a yet, but he hates that he knows. Still, he tries to kick out with his legs, but all it does is bring the yet faster when, with a sudden flash of anger on his face, Ansem simply grabs onto Riku's ankles with a bruising grip and slams Riku's heels hard into the floor.
Ansem’s hands are ice-cold. Something like a shudder runs through Riku, from his shoulders down to his ankles, and then Ansem is smiling again.
"You see?" There are too many teeth in that smile, Riku thinks. "The only choice you have, Riku, is to submit to me." Before, he'd said submit to darkness. Now it's to him, or was that Ansem's plan all along?
"That's not a choice." He still can't move any of his limbs, and tries to keep his face from heating up. Ansem chuckles, then, something deep and anticipatory that catches something in the back of Riku's throat.
"Very good;" Ansem responds, somehow aware of that catch, "you're beginning to understand."
"That you're a liar?" This only amuses Ansem further.
"When have I told you that the power you seek requires anything other than opening your heart to it?" Ansem asks. "Maybe it is you who have been lying to yourself, Riku. But you realize now, don't you? I can feel it."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Riku glares back, cheeks warm.
"Why..." it looks as if Ansem's trying to hold back another chuckle, "you've stopped struggling, haven't you?" With another shock of surprise, Riku realizes that while Ansem's hands are still holding onto his ankles, they aren't digging his heels into the floor anymore. Immediately, he tries to kick again, but in one swift motion, - even using the movement of Riku’s legs to his advantage – Ansem simultaneously leans forward even further and stops Riku’s kicks, his face now hovering directly over Riku’s, golden eyes gleaming. Riku can’t tell if it’s Ansem’s knees or more of those ropelike tendrils holding his legs down, but he can’t move any of his limbs at all now, just clench his fists and look up, bangs falling to either side of his face when he tries to keep his head as far away from Ansem’s as possible. He’s trying very very hard to keep his breathing under control.
“Now,” Ansem says, looking down at him, “you will open your heart.” With his right hand, Ansem draws a line in the air down the length of Riku’s torso, the other propping him up on the floor beside Riku’s neck, and then Riku’s shirt dissolves into the atmosphere. Involuntarily, Riku shivers, and he looks down sharply at his body, only to see his chest rising and falling with quick, increasingly uneven breaths. Just as sharply, he looks back up again with hot cheeks at Ansem, who is now wearing an openly hungry expression.
“No, I-”
“Riku.” Ansem’s hand is now hovering over Riku’s chest again. He talks as if he’s bestowing upon Riku some ancient wisdom long-forgotten until now. “There’s no point in attempting to claim ignorance now; I’ve told you numerous times the nature of what you were asking me.”
“Nn-” Riku hasn’t been able to finish his sentences for some time since this started, but now he can’t even finish a single word. Leisurely – and clearly enjoying the contrast in tempo between his actions and Riku’s hitching breath and burning face – Ansem places his hand, palm flat, right on top of Riku’s heart. The rest of Riku’s protestation shrivels up into a half-noise let out the back of his throat, unintelligible and strangely dampened.
“Now this,” Ansem’s eyes are glinting expectantly, “this I have waited a very long time for.” He’s drawing it out, but Riku can’t do anything besides lie there, held down with lungs steadily working up towards hyperventilation. Even the little bit he can squirm only makes Ansem’s grin stretch wider, gaze focused on Riku’s skin under the gloved hand. Even when Riku tries to make himself as flat and low-to-the-ground as possible, Ansem just keeps his palm on Riku’s chest.
Only after Riku’s exhausted all possibilities of movement – which aren’t very many at all – does Ansem adjust his gaze, slowly bringing it up to look Riku right in the eyes. It’s in that moment, stretched out to a small eternity, that Riku can do absolutely nothing except stare right back, pupils too wide and breath suspended, absolutely nothing he can do to stop the next moment from arriving, absolutely nothing he can do to stop what Ansem is going to do next. In that moment, there are no words, no sound of Riku’s breaths, no deep and amused tones of Ansem’s voice, only silence and certainty.
Only then does Ansem push his ice-cold hand past the paper-thin final barrier of Riku’s skin, sink it into Riku’s chest, and close his fingers around Riku’s heart.
9. Me, I'm Not - Nine Inch Nails
And it's happening
Never planned on this
You got something I need
Kind of dangerous
And I'm losing control
I'm not used to this
What you want from me
I'm not used to this
I can't shut it off
This thing I've begun
Hey, can we stop?
Me, I'm not
If I take it all back
Some way, somehow
If I knew back then
What I know right now
The little amount of gasped air left in Riku’s lungs is pushed out, and something seizes up inside of him. This isn't anything like what Riku thought it would be, isn't what he wanted, isn't-
It hurts, more than anything else. In his heart, deep in the very center of who he is and spreading out like a toxin, it hurts. It feels so nauseatingly wrong, it's too much, it-
It’s just the beginning, really, because it’s then that Ansem starts to go through Riku’s memories, digging through and picking them apart one by one. Riku’s not sure how long it actually takes, only that it feels like it takes forever.
“You’re really very childish, aren’t you, Riku?” All Riku can seem to do is shudder. “You didn’t want the Keyblade to open the door to Kingdom Hearts. You didn’t even want it to save Kairi anymore. You just wanted to keep it from Sora. Isn’t that right, Riku?” Ansem laughs when Riku doesn’t respond, just squeezes his eyes shut. “Do you just want things so that other people can’t have them, Riku? How selfish. You’re really a very selfish boy at heart, aren’t you, Riku?”
Riku tries to protest this, but all that comes out is another garbled, halting, hitched noise from the back of his throat. As Ansem’s hand finds another memory, Ansem brings his face closer to Riku’s, close enough so that Riku can feel Ansem breathing on his face.
“But it’s not just things like the Keyblade that you’re selfish with, is it, Riku?” He lingers on the memory of a cave. “You thought that seeing the keyhole made you so special, didn’t you? Special enough to get all of the attention you wanted.” Another memory of the same cave, now with a drawing added. “You’re selfish when it comes to people, too, aren’t you, Riku? Did you really think that anything you could do would change what was going to happen?” Yet another memory of the cave, the drawing updated. The night he’d decided that going to another world required something other than a raft. “It didn’t work, did it, Riku? Everything you tried to do got thrown away,” a flash of the memory of Sora discarding the star-shaped object – fruit, it was a fruit – Riku gave him, “and they just continued moving ahead without you, didn’t they, Riku? Yet you refused to acknowledge it, as obvious as it was. The Hero and the Princess; very classic.” And then Riku realizes who Kairi is in Ansem’s grand scheme. No wonder Maleficent had been so eager to help. “I know exactly where her heart is, by the way, but I think I’ll save the revelation for a little while longer.”
Riku wants to throw up. He wants it to be over with, already. He wants Ansem to get his hand out of his heart and go away. None of those things are going to happen anytime soon. Instead, he just turns his face away, squeezing his eyes tighter, gasping for breaths that won’t come.
“Don’t ignore me, Riku,” Ansem bites out, his face so close now that his mouth is mere inches from Riku’s ear, emphasizing his words with a particularly rough dig towards the next memory. Another noise Riku can’t define travels from the back of his throat and out of his mouth; when he tries to stop the sound, all that happens is that it’s slightly dampened again.
“What amuses me the most about you, Riku,” Ansem continues, the rumbled undertow of his chuckle held back only ever-so-slightly once again, “ is your insistence that the things you don’t like will simply cease to exist if you pretend they are not there. Where has it gotten you? It has certainly not helped you attain any of the things you think you want, the things and people you so selfishly attempt to keep for yourself.”
10. Trouble - Coldplay
Oh no, what's this?
A spider web and I'm caught in the middle
So I turn to run
And thought of all the stupid things I'd done
And I never meant to cause you trouble
I never meant to do you wrong
And ah, well if I ever caused you trouble
Oh, no I never meant to do you harm
Oh no, I see
The spider web and it's me in the middle
So I twist and turn
But here am I in my little bubble
They spun a web for me
Ansem finds a memory of Riku in his bedroom on Destiny Islands, late at night, alone.
"After all your protests and denials, all you really want to do is keep things selfishly to yourself." Not this one; it's private. "And yet you can't even do that, can you, Riku?" In the memory, Riku is thinking about Kairi, and then, surprising himself quite thoroughly, he is thinking about Sora. In the present, flat on his back and doing everything he can not to cry, Riku finds himself suddenly missing them both more he'd thought possible.
Especially Sora. What had he been doing this whole time? He'd been trying to kill Sora only earlier today. And why? Because Sora had the Keyblade? Because Sora'd left him and Kairi for a talking dog and duck? Because Sora'd been getting too much attention from Kairi? But hadn't Riku realized back then, in that memory, that it hadn't been just about Kairi? He'd realized that it was also very much about Sora. It had been such a sudden and abrupt realization that it had shifted something very fundamental in Riku's perception of the world, both focusing and blurring things at the same time.
"That's not what you think it is, Riku," Ansem laughs. "That's not the feeling you've been trying to convince yourself it is."
Liar, Riku tries to say, but nothing resembling any coherent word comes out of his mouth. And if he keeps thinking about Sora instead, it makes everything that's happening right now seem that little bit farther away.
"It's not even a feeling at all, is it, Riku?" Riku pictures Sora's face in his mind, “It’s just hormones, chemicals in your body. It cannot possibly be a feeling if you can’t even make up your mind between the two of them, Riku.” Riku curls up his idea of himself around the idea of Sora. “Or is it just that you don’t want to make up your mind? It’s just more of your selfishness, then, isn’t it, Riku? One could almost call it promiscuity.” Riku clings frantically to the idea of Sora to keep away from Ansem's laughter and Ansem forcing his way into his heart as best he can, and tries to hold back the cry threatening to burst from his lips.
11. Water - Breaking Benjamin
What's all this talk of an ocean?
I'd rather drink from the engine
What did you mean when you said no?
I only want what is best for you
I will never let you drown
No, I won't ever let you down
There is no end to recover
You tell me there is no other
The surface is getting hotter
Well, I'll shove your head underwater
“And yet, in the end,” Ansem says with a smile full of teeth, “you have lost them both, and Sora has his Keyblade once again. You’ve accomplished absolutely nothing at all. The only thing you’re actually good at is holding darkness inside your heart. I’m the only one who you can possibly be of use to. Isn’t that right, Riku?” Riku just shivers, silent, all his attention focused as much on his memories of Sora – the good ones – and as far away from Ansem as possible. Then, the hair-trigger fury once again. “I thought I told you not to ignore me, Riku.” Ansem claws with his hand through Riku’s memories, reaching for the ones Riku’s wrapped around and trying to pull him out.
“G-G-Go a-a-w-way.” He still shuddering, can’t speak properly at all, but those are the first words Riku’s been able to say in quite a while, and he’s not budging from the place he’s clinging to.
“There are things I require use of your body for, and I cannot fall behind schedule,” Ansem says, voice as cold as his hand. Riku doesn’t move. “We will finish this conversation later.” Then, Riku’s consciousness slowly shifts and dissolves from the inside of his heart back to the outside. Ansem picks Riku’s body up from where it had collapsed and brushes some dust off of the suit of darkness that is now on Riku’s body once again. It’s like watching a movie from behind his own eyes. His heart still hurts, but at least it’s not as sharp as when Ansem had his hand there.
Now, Ansem sends his thoughts back to Riku as he’s using Riku’s body to walk towards Riku’s room, let’s begin. Almost as if what had just happened was a mere warm-up before the main act. Riku doesn’t respond. To make sure Riku’s still paying attention despite his silence, Ansem uses Riku’s body to carry Kairi from where she’d been laying on a divan in Riku’s room to the keyhole. Maleficent shows up, noticing nothing, not even Ansem’s amused voice interweaving with the flattened tone of Riku’s, and Ansem calls a dark Keyblade made from the Princess’ hearts into Riku’s hand. A Keyblade of your very own. Riku doesn’t respond. Maleficent scoffs at Sora’s strength, and Ansem is both pleased and unsurprised to see her defeated. Ansem uses Riku’s body to thrust the dark Keyblade into Maleficent’s heart, and although it turns her into a dragon, Maleficent is defeated once again. Sora doesn’t notice anything, either.
That must mean that this is the one thing you’re good at. Ansem waits at the keyhole, and finds a way to keep himself amused until Sora gets there. Or possibly, the answer is that Sora just hates you too much to care. I wonder how much he’s looking forward to attacking you with his Keyblade again. Riku doesn’t respond. His silence is rewarded when Sora arrives; Donald and Goofy are repelled by a barrier Ansem makes, but Sora notices immediately that Riku isn’t the one in control of his body and demands that Ansem release him. Does that mean that Sora isn’t mad at him anymore?
Don’t be so arrogant. Riku keeps his eyes glued on Sora. Shall I tell you where Kairi’s heart is? I think you’ll find it amusing.
…Liar.
It’s a vicious fight, but Sora still wins, and Riku dares to hope that this will mean that Sora will try to reach him. But then he watches, from the shadowed corner where Ansem’s been hiding Riku’s body from the sight of the others, in horror and a yell that no one else hears, as Sora pushes the dark Keyblade into his chest and turns into a Heartless.
Sora is not going to save you.
12. Lillian - +44
The place I used to live made me feel like a tourist
I couldn't coexist with the cold and suspicious
When the last remaining light was starting to filter
It seemed the perfect time to step into the future
Your heart is a grave, to be perfectly honest
Your mouth's a smoking gun
And you smile while you're twisting
the knife in my stomach
Till everything is gone
Take all you can from me
I've got weak constitution
I'm led so easily
So easily
So long forgotten friends, no you don't know the difference
between love and submission, and I'm not that obedient
Is this Ansem's definition of submission? To reach into places in Riku he should never be allowed to go? To take over his body to fight the friends Riku realizes only now that he should never have pushed away? Even after Sora's lost, to get rid of those no longer "necessary"? Well, fuck that.
"No! I won't let you use me for this!" And even as he wonders if Kairi knows what kind of fate he's telling her to leave him to, he doesn't feel anything but affection for her; he's glad that he's able to save her, at least.
13. Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking - Snow Patrol
Every second dripping off my fingertips
(I could do most anything to you)
wage your war, wage your war
(I could do most anything to you)
In slow motion, the blast is beautiful
(I could do most anything to you)
Doors slam shut, doors slam shut
(I could do most anything to you)
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away
(I could do most anything to you)
safe and sound, safe and sound
So you managed to hold me off momentarily, Ansem sneers. But it will cost you. Still standing behind him, Ansem steps forward and shoves his arm into Riku's back; he wrenches something in Riku's heart again, and it's almost more painful, more invasive the second time.
It will cost you dearly, Riku. On his hands and knees, shuddering, gasping for breath, Riku is pushed out of his body and into the Realm of Darkness.
14. Gagging Order (Live) - Radiohead
I know what you're thinking
But I'm not your property
No matter what you say
No matter what you say
Move along, there's nothing left to see
Just a body, nothing left to see
"Take a look at this tiny place. To the heart seeking freedom, this island is a prison, surrounded by water. And so, this boy sought to escape from his prison. He sought a way to cross over into other worlds. And he opened his heart to darkness."
And somewhere, wandering in the darkness, Riku meets a King.
15. Brain Damage - Pink Floyd
And if the dam breaks open many years too soon
And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forbodings too
I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon
The lunatic is in my head
The lunatic is in my head
You raise the blade, you make the change
You re-arrange me till I'm sane
You lock the door
And throw away the key
And there's someone in my head, but it's not me
"Come on, Sora, giving up already? I thought you were stronger than that." And for an instant, even as Ansem's appearance can't help reflect part of the monster within - there's nothing grotesque enough to reflect the complete truth - Riku watches Sora fly.
16. Eclipse - Pink Floyd
All that you eat
And everyone you meet
All that you slight
And everyone you fight
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
And everything under the sun is in tune
But the sun is eclipsed by the moon
After everything is over and Ansem has been defeated by the light, Riku stays in the dark so that everyone else can get their happy ending. He wants to see his friends again, but there's a door needs to be closed first. Hmm... maybe in a little while.
//Epilogue//
17. Wild - Poe
Tell me what you've come for
Moving like a hunter through my back door
Leaving the perfume of all you adore
To die nameless on my floor
Yeah, well, we both know that you don't play fair
I guess you really think that you get me there
Let's be honest, perhaps this little ride
Is too much for even you to bear
You got some nerve to come back here
You're not the only one who can smell fear
I go wild 'cause you break me open
I go wild 'cause you left me here
I go wild 'cause your promises are broken
Wild, don't you get it dear?
You're not the only one who runs on instincts
No, I got instincts of my own
Somehow, Riku leaves the Realm of Darkness. The King has been so kind and understanding, never hesitating to help as best as he can. In the white halls of Oblivion, Riku refuses to be weak like he was before, refuses to give in. But although Ansem is not completely gone, Riku has been able to find a darkness that's his own and can truly say that he is no longer afraid.
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So... there we go. Comments if you take it would be appreciated.
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